I love how youâre led to believe that Hohenheim is Cold and Mysterious and Uncaring and possibly the big bad of the series only to find out heâs actually just the Most Socially Awkward Dork in the world
you go from this vaguely ominius uncaring mysterious suave man in Edâs flashbacks and POV and then you see the flashback where Hohenheimâs panicking because Trisha made him hold the toddler
(not to say that Edâs view of Hohenheim as distant and absent was wrong, because he didnât connect with them like he should have as a father and he WAS distant and absent)
it just delights me how well Arawaka paces when she reveals things. the entire first half of fma youâre like, yeah, Hohenheim could be the bad guy for sure, and then only after the ACTUAL bad guy is revealed do we come to understand that so much of Hohenheim seeming aloof was just him being awkward af. How does human connection work again? Trisha, I donât know how to talk to people. Trisha, itâs been so long. Trisha, help me
this post is not a joke iâve been thinking about this for months and iâm POSITIVE sburb would, in theory let players do this. Â in this panel, dave proves that players can create parts of themselves by trying to alchemize his own brain in a jar. Â his only limitation is lack of grist. Â also, the game clearly has no issue with resurrecting the dead (see: god tiers, life ring, aradia, dreamselves) or duplicates of characters (dreamselves again, dirkâs whole arc, (vriska)) or just straight up creating people (ectobiology) so i see no reason why you couldnât bring back dead players this way, or even more upsetting, create a carbon copy of a living player. Â youd just need the right combination of items and an insane amount of grist, and not only would it be possible, but thematically relevant to sburb itself
imagine a fucking alchemiter 3d printing a homunculus
edward: most likely a first sibling. definitely had a goth phase you never grew out of. you have an overall disdain for authority and strongly believe in trusting others to make their own decisions about whatâs best for them rather than telling them what to do. your loved ones mean everything to you, and you prefer to show that through your actions rather than words, even if they donât always pick up on it. next time, maybe sacrifice your life a little harder so theyâll get the message.
alphonse: strangers think youâre quiet, but your close friends and family knows better than that. youâre a delight to be around, have a great sense of humor, and would do anything to protect those you care for. it takes you a bit to open up to others, but you have a knack for being able to connect with people from all different walks of life and circumstances, even especially kinnies and furries.Â
winry: youâre inquisitive, curious, compassionate, and get very intensely attached to your interests. youâre sweet on the surface, but you know how to fuck someone up if they ever double-cross you. you try to be as organized and diligent as possible, even if it doesnât come naturally to you. you likely color-code the 5 different schedules you regularly use to help stay on top of things, and at least 4 of those colors are different shades of white-out from all the mistakes you keep making.
roy: you definitely think youâre way cooler than you actually are. you were the kid every teacher loved but all the other students hated, and you were absolutely assigned hall monitor at some point. you have both a god complex and a martyr complex at the same time, which is why no one likes you.Â
riza: you spend so much time complaining about how no one could possibly understand you that you canât even see whatâs right in front of youâpeople who can and do understand you. oh wait, theyâre gone. you pushed them away again. you have no friends.Â
scar: people often come to you for advice in times of hardship. youâve lived through a lot, but youâre devoted to making the world a better place because of your own pain. you find the simpler things in life to be the most beautiful, like the sun shining from behind heavy rainclouds, or the leaves changing colors in autumn, or john mccain dying from a brain tumor.Â
ling: youâre always up to date on the latest gossip/drama/memes/pop culture. if anyone wants to know whatâs going on with something, they ask you. you have an effortless cool about you that easily hides the fact that youâre actually a giant dork. also youâve probably punched someone over beating you in mariokart before. they totally deserved it though.Â
lan fan: you pretend to be tough on the surface, but on the inside youâre a mitski stan. shhh, itâs okay. no one else has to know your secret. youâre still plenty tough, and in all the places it counts.Â
mei: you contemplate dying your hair pink everyday, and each time you manage to convince yourself to go through with it, you come up with another reason not to. your friends have told you to just do it on 6 separate occasions. the only thing youâre certain of in life is that ariana grande is god.Â
fu: you were the kid who had a toy lightsaber in every color and at least 3 of them lit up and made noises. you challenged your friends to in-the-dark duels (or ânight fightsâ) with them, and you always kicked ass. coincidentally, you also kicked your own leg into the edge of a table and ended up needing stitches. now you just train young jedi for your ânight fightsâ instead.Â
paninya:Â you watched naruto as a kid and it turned you into the anime-loving fuck you are today. you blame all your problems in life on the writers not allowing sasuke and naruto to end up together, and you know what? youâre right.
izumi: you hate the government and would gladly punch god in the face. youâre the ultimate mom friend and have a way of commanding the respect you deserve without asking for it. sometimes that way means making threats of bodily harm, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!
hohenheim: youâre actually a cryptid, no one can be certain you really exist. the only evidence we found was a blurry instagram selfie from 2013 and a book about greek mythology with coffee stains on the cover. oh, sorry, the book isnât yours. i just meant the coffee stains resemble that selfie.Â
alex armstrong:Â you have a knack for the finer things in life, like knocking a guyâs lights out after he refused to drink his respect women juice. you definitely cried over the ATLA beach episode, and you aspire to be a concert pianist more than anything else (which of course means getting to lift the piano over your head for a living).Â
olivier armstrong: youâre a lesbian. i have nothing else to say. if sheâs your favorite, youâre a lesbian. congrats on the lesbianism.Â
captain buccaneer: you go to the gym on the regular just so you can feel superior to everyone else there. youâve likely referred to other people as âmere mortalsâ before and definitely meant it. the only reason no oneâs punched you in the face yet is because they havenât noticed you exist.Â
major miles: you dream of one day finding a friend group that you can call your found family. preferably one that comes with a van, talking dog, and an endless supply of money so you can travel to a new country every week. oh yeah, and the weed.Â
havoc: you huff gasoline in a czechoslovakian ice field, and youâve unironically said âhaha and then what ;)â in a text message before. it was a text to your boss about your work shift schedule.Â
falman:Â you think youâre oppressed for being an introvert. you take long walks at night because you think it makes you a deep and poetic soul. it actually just makes you creepy as fuck. stop doing that. the neighbors are starting to complain.Â
breda: you probably had a lego kit from every major franchise and you mixed up the pieces as best as possible. who cares what others think though, captain america looks great in a hobbit hole with tardis doors.Â
fuery: you have a griffin mcelroy icon donât you.
hughes: you had a bad family life growing up, and want nothing more to be a good parent to your future children because of it. youâre terrified of change, which is why youâve changed your profile picture on facebook exactly one time since 2012.Â
kimblee: you fantasize about blowing things up becauâyou know what i canât do this, why the FUCK is he your favorite? please for the love of god i am begging you to dust the spicy cheeto powder off your fingers and wash your 2 month old laundry and leave your momâs basement so you can outside and get a fucking lifeÂ
wrath: you actually liked return of the jedi and you think kylo ren deserves a redemption arc.
pride: read royâs. youâre that except youâre proud of the hall monitor part. youâre also probably some type of furry. i donât want to think about which one.
greed: you were a homestuck at some point and never really moved beyond it. you love fictional monsters and often âjokeâ about relating to them more than you do to humans. the truth is, youâre lonely inside. you just want friends. too bad no one wants to be friends with a homestuck.
lust: you stanned azula as a kid and projected all your problems onto her. now you dream of getting to fuck demons and vampires, and youâre working on a novel with a self-insert that will allow you to do just that. whoâs laughing now, zuko?
lan fan was the most metal character in fma. i dont give a shit about anything edward elricâs hot topic goth ass did, nothing will ever be as hardcore as lan fan ripping off her own fucking arm and then smugly proclaiming âi beat youâ
the only thing that comes close is ling willingly infusing his body with a philosophers stone and becoming a homunculus. those yao clan motherfuckers didnât fucking play, they went hard. id rather fight an actual bear than have to go up against lan fan and ling.Â
A thought in my head, which I am getting out by dropping it into the abyss of tumblrâŠ
If youâre a fan of the Fullmetal Alchemist manga/Brotherhood, youâve probably seen people analyzing the deaths of the homunculi and the ironies therein before, whether in full essay format or in super simplified lists. Gluttony is eaten by an ally/brother homunculus, Greed finds peace and satisfaction in self-sacrifice for the sake of the friends he always wanted and actually had in the end, Envy commits suicide after being called out on his jealousy of humans despite his outspoken derision of them, etc. etc.Â
I recently saw one of these simplified lists elsewhere online and one of the points this person put up bothered me. Well, two, actually, but the one about Pride is something Iâd want to get into separately if at all.
This is about Lustâs death, and Mustangâs part in it. This is about the idea – held by some fans, but not all, Iâm certain – that it was ironic because she was killed by a womanizer.
This is based on a misconception. I want to pick at it a little bit, for the sake of my own brain if nothing else. Iâm sure others have made this analysis before. Iâm going to do it over myself anyway. So, here we go:
Mustang was not, in actuality, a womanizer, or anything similar. He just made sure he appeared that way for his own reasons. For one thing, it made him seem less of a threat to senior officers as he climbed the ranks. A young officer with obvious laser focus on higher and higher seats, on more and more power, on getting into positions of command further up the chain and giving all he had to get there? Thatâs a concern. But a young officer with an almost lackadaisical attitude about him, one who, yes, does his job and all and even generally seems to do it well, but who primarily seems to have flirting and dating and general fooling around on the mind whenever he can spare a thought? Not such a big deal. Sure, heâs still getting promotions despite his relative youth, but itâs not like heâs gunning for them, right?
For another, it masks his information network, his alchemical notes, and the off-the-record missions he gives his closest and most trusted subordinates. Those dates he goes on, almost every time with a different girl? Totally just dates. Heâs a young playboy officer. Everybody knows it. It doesnât even bear thinking about.
ExceptâŠno. Not dates. Not girlfriends or romantic or sexual interests. Those are his adoptive sisters masquerading as the interest of the day, and those are information trading meetings masquerading as fun, easygoing, inconsequential nights out on the town.
His alchemy notes, encrypted as a harmless little black datebook. This is entirely in keeping with his persona. A cookbook written by a scientific researcher with no further explanation or apparent reason honestly stands out more. But Mustangâs datebook? Whoâs going to think twice about it? For that matter, whoâs going to want to sit and try to decipher whateverâs on the surface of that just on the assumption that thereâs more to it?
And those missions. Everybody who knows of Mustangâs office habits knows that when Lt. Hawkeye is out on leave, Mustang takes it as an excuse to slack off and fool around on the job. Without her watchful, strict, no-nonsense eye on him, he feels free to call up his favorite ladies and pass the time in flirty chitchat. What an idle fool he is, unable to discipline himself and focus on anything other than pretty women and petty charms when left to his own devices, right?
Only on the surface, really. The readers and watchers of the manga and Brotherhood know better. We got to see âElizabethâ on the other end of the line. We caught the double meanings of their conversations after that was revealed. But to an outsider, who doesnât already know whatâs up? Clearly Mustangâs up to his womanizing ways again, and thereâs nothing more to it.
So thatâs Mustang and womanizing. Now letâs bring it around to Lust and the lead-up to her incineration. Letâs look at Mustangâs motivations to crisp her down to ash and bones.
First, thereâs her part, however small, in Hughesâ death. Mustangâs been on the hunt for his friendâs killer since it happened of course, and while Lust wasnât the one, she pretty much admitted in their confrontation that she was at least involved. She said it was too bad she couldnât finish him off herself. Thatâs the first thing that set him off, even before attempting incinerations.
Second, she nearly killed Havoc, one of Mustangâs subordinates. She definitely paralyzed him, as we discovered later, but there was certainly intent to kill. That drove him to try to rip the stone from her very chest in an attempt to save Havocâs life. She also attempted to kill Mustang after this, and, most cruelly of all perhaps, left him to slowly bleed out while watching Havoc do the same.
And finally, when Mustang caught up with her, she was about to kill Hawkeye.
Vengeance and protection, for the sake of his friends and loved ones. Thatâs what drove Mustang to go as far as he did. Thatâs why he reduced her to ash over and over and over again, until her apparent immortality ran out and she faded away forever.
Lust wasnât killed by a womanizer. She was killed by someone who simply wore the mask of a womanizer.Â
Her death wasnât ironic because she was killed out of lust, or even by a man who lusted.
It was ironic because she was killed by a man who loved.