obvs there is something great about when a Big Scary turns into a Big Softie where Tiny Useless is concerned, but what i like better is:
Tiny Useless decides, with no prompting and for no apparent reason whatsoever, that Big Scary needs protecting. and if no one else will do it then this accidentally-gets-stepped-on, blows-away-in-a-stiff-breeze motherfucker is going to have to be the one to protect this living mountain of pain. you wanna get to this troll, you’re gonna have to go through this pixie. you try to come for this tibetan mastiff, this chihuahua’s gonna try to kick your ass first.
and the Big Scary is mostly just?? really confused???? there are at least twenty different reasons why this is fucking dumb. but also this feeble lil shit is the first person in the entire world to try and stand up for this person that absolutely does not need it. Big Scary continues to be huge and terrifying but now Tiny Useless has their undying loyalty and it will probably not end well for anyone.
i like seeing all of the ships this has been tagged with, but, i am going to be completely honest with you guys, when i wrote this i was thinking about little girls like my sister, who at the age of five had a strict ‘talk shit get hit’ policy about the incredible hulk
seeing a lot of folks with some weak-ass “but actually the tiny one is deadly and the big one is nice” tags and lemme tell ya
that is a different trope
do you think i picked the words Tiny Useless by accident. do you think there is no reason i called the Big Scary a mountain of pain?
not to get petty but this isn’t an idea about appearances being deceiving, or the amusement of reversing expectations, or the aesthetic.
this is about someone who can absolutely take whatever punishment the world throws at them, and probably throw plenty back, being told that their capacity for horror doesn’t mean they should have to endure it. someone who can’t defend themselves choosing to try to defend someone who can because to them there is no moral difference.
hogarth didn’t save the iron giant by punching a tank, my dudes. the iron giant didn’t have to be helpless to be worth protecting. you know what i mean?
Tag: tropes
When a character doesn’t realize they’ve been, like, shot or whatever and they hand brushes against their side and comes away wet with blood, and they’re just staring at it like wtf is this and then their knees just totally give out on them and they sink down, maybe gasping a little as the reality finally hits them. That’s good stuff.
I see that, and raise you a character who knows they’ve been shot, but waits until the rest of their crew is out of sight to put their hand against the slowly spreading stain of blood on their shirt, then trying to steady their breathing so they can follow without letting on how injured they are.
Okay but like the character who doesn’t realize they’ve been hurt trying to see if everyone else is okay only to slowly realize that everyone is looking at them with mounting horror. Then they touch their side to find it’s wet and oh no
all 3 of you are evil but i admire, respect, and fear you
full offense but that moment when a character is absolutely steeled for anger from their partner and gets tenderness and compassion instead and they just completely lose it because they don’t feel like they deserve it after how they’ve behaved and have no idea how to handle it is so, so, so good and if i ever stop loving it just assume i’ve died and been replaced with a really bad forgery.
Bodyguard Crush Appreciation Post:
- ‘I don’t want a bodyguard/this is humiliating and I’m going to pretend it’s not happening’ vs ‘just another bratty kid who won’t listen that I’ll have to drag out of trouble’
- awkward thank-yous
- MORE awkward thank-you gestures: protectee buying gifts, trying to give bodyguard a day off – impractical but well-meaning is good; so is surprisingly thoughtful
- MOMENTS OF TENSION WHEREIN THEIR LIVES DEPEND ON EACH OTHER
- realizing Feelings but assuming that they could never be returned
- I don’t care what direction this goes bc it is Good either way
- Trying To Create Distance by returning to pure professionalism OR struggling to maintain a friendlier relationship but doing it so well the other person assumes there’s no chance of Feelings
- this is one of the few contexts in which I will accept a variant of Gayngst as in: but I guard them and they’re always flirting/sleeping w/ people of the opposite sex; they are clearly So Straight and I have No Hope (but surprise! bisexuality!)
- DRAMATIC ACTION SCENES WITH FROZEN MOMENTS OF EYE CONTACT
- yes I’m weak for this cheap cinematic trope shHHHH don’t you judge me
- protectee caring for the bodyguard’s woundssssss
- bodyguard tending the protectee’s woundssss
- contrasting two injuries: one in which the bodyguard is brusque and efficient and one in which they’re gentle and caring/protectee is panicking and insisting they can’t do it vs trying to calm their bodyguard and holding their own panic in
- BODYGUARD QUITS JOB. PROTECTEE IS HEARTBROKEN UNTIL BODYGUARD COMES BACK AND ASKS THEM OUT + EXPLAINS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BREACH OF CONTRACT
can your otp be a bodyguard crush? are you sure? CONSIDER THIS CAREFULLY AS MANY WONDERS AWAIT YOU
i'll apple your turnover 