I’ve listened to the Eleventh hour arc from the adventure zone so much I love it, and Roswell will always be my favorite no matter what form they take. ;;
[ID: two drawings of Roswell. In the first, they are a bulky humanoid figure in a suit of armor, visor flipped down to cover their face. There’s a small red bird on their shoulder, and they’re wearing a cowboy hat, cowboy boots and a gold sheriff’s badge. They’re holding a glaive in one hand and making a fingergun with the other. There’s a dry western-US scene behind them. The second drawing is of the red bird, perched on a small branch. They’re wearing a small bandanna around their neck.]
I saw these sickass elf robes somewhere and even though i will never nail down a Lup or Taako headcannon this Look is going to be a CONSTANT in all iterations
[image description: a drawing of Lup, a slender elf with dark brown skin and blonde hair that’s pulled into a long ponytail and shaved on the sides. She’s standing straight on to the viewer, her head turned to one side and her eyes closed, a calm expression on her face. She’s wearing a red cape, white tank top, dark pants with red stars and moons on them and black heeled boots. She’s holding up a wand and there are glowing orbs in the background.]
Mama: Ok, this is gonna sound pretty strange, I reckon, but there’s something here that you cannot see right now. So don’t go running forward cause I don’t want you to bash your face right into it, alright? And it’s gonna look like I’m just sort of speaking it into existence, but that’s not really-
Aubrey: The Stonehenge thing?
Mama: [pause] You… you can already see it?
Aubrey: It’s three rocks, can you see it?
Griffin: She puts her hands to her temples, which is sort of the go-to move for any Adventure Zone NPC.
ok but in DnD as far as I can tell almost everyone outlives humans by a ridiculous amount – elves, dwarves, gnomes, and okay I confess my exposure to DnD is just TAZ so I’ve run out of races, but still. doesn’t this mean that to most races, humans seem like terrifyingly precocious children? especially if you haven’t met that many – it’s one thing to know that humans are considered adults by their twenties, it’s another thing to meet one who owns a business and has kids of their own, and then find out they’re less than half the age of your dumb baby brother who still eats rocks.
Angus, a ten-year-old child: “I am employed by the police to solve murders, because of the excellent reputation I have established for myself over many cases. I am traveling alone, unsupervised, searching for a killer on my own, because I am competent enough to do so.”
Taako, a three-hundred-year-old college-age kid: “sounds legit.”
Magnus: “Ok all jokes aside you guys realize this kid is way too young to be alone like this right? I mean yes, he’s more competent than the three of us put together, but he’s also a child, he should have someone looking out for him.”
Merle: “What are you talking about, Maggie? He’s barely a decade younger than you, what’s the issue?”
Taako: “No Merle he’s right, I mean we’re babysitting Magnus but who’s babysitting McDjango over here?”
Magnus: “I am a thirty-three-year-old man!”
Merle: “We know honey, we know.”
Also, dwarves only live about half as long as elves, so Magnus may be a grown adult, but Merle and Taako are probably within a few decades of each other in age and Taako’s probably mortified about it.
Merle, early on: “Hey, it’s my birthday tomorrow!”
Taako, painting his nails: “What are you, seven fifty? Eight hundred?”
Merle, mortally offended: “I’m only two hundred and thirty-five, what the hell?”
Taako, horrified: “I’M TWO HUNDRED AND FOUR, WHAT THE HELL”
Magnus: “And I’m thirty-three, were we going to get dinner or what, Granddads?”
Taako: “BE SILENT, DEMON CHILD”
On the other hand, teenage Orcs are like 10-13 years old, so
Magnus: “No but really he’s only ten where are his parents?”
Killian, who is fifteen years old: “Not really following you on that one, it seems pretty legit to me”
Interesting factoid, Dragonborn and Orcs have almost the same age of maturity
Hey guys, you know that D&D podcast what that one character? The human male who wears glasses and has a funny name? The one who falls in love with a very capable woman of elvish blood? Y’know, the super capable one with a twin brother who has that thing about money? Anyway, he loses everything dear to him and turns to questionable sources of power. He creates a weapon in a moment of desperation but now its creation will have an effect on the world that he can’t control and he feels immense guilt over it. He ends up having ties to the Raven Queen.
concept of the day: merle and john have been living together & have been married for years and years but they still use the parley parlor to settle their domestic disputes
just suddenly merle finds himself back in the old boardroom and john is like “ah merle. welcome to the parley. this is about the dishes you still have not done, even though it’s your turn to do them”
I’ve been working on this for months and the truth is I could continue to add to it forever but I want you all to enjoy it with me
transcript:
Griffin: [as Jenkins] A witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anybody yells a secret word, I have to attend to their every need, and that word is my fucking name, Jenkins. Justin: [snickering]
G: Are you naming your goddamn wizard Taako?
G: Oh- shit. Oh, god, oh, god, where’d it go, oh no, no, no!
G: If possible, I would love to- to avoid a shitting-based solution? Uh, A, because I don’t want to know what exists beyond the explicit tag in iTunes? [Justin laughs] I don’t- like, is there a fucking NC-17 rating? I don’t wanna- I don’t think I wanna be a part of that. But also- Justin: [crosstalk] Hey! G: I would also not like this scene to drag on out as long as- as a human being’s digestive cycle.
G: [background laughter] Fun show, fun show games!
G: And I think I just described a plant orgasm. And this has been Fifty Shades of Green [Clint laughs], starring four idiots.
G: So the end of that sentence that you cut off was- and I- so I won’t be able to put up with any shit today, but the problem is I already have? Now people will stop tweeting about me that I said one of Barry’s favorite things is swimming in a cold lake on a hot day, and then in two episodes later say he didn’t know how to swim.
G: ‘Kay, you and the box both drink POISON! And you survive, but the box has died. Clint: That means it’s open, right? G: Yes, with that the box pops open and it has 900 gold pieces inside. Everyone: Yeah! [cheering]
Travis: I get it. Justin: Damn, that’s a good door! G: No, it’s- [yelling] let me finish describing what happened to the door! I’ve been trying to tell you what happened to the door for like ten minutes!
Travis: I tap it with the Glutton’s Fork and I swallow it. Justin: [muffled wheezing] Griffin: What the fuck!
Griffin: [laugh-crying] You’re gonna turn him into a man tube? [wheezing] You- you’re gonna turn him into a bag or a shelf with the rock sitting on it-
Griffin, loudly: What the fuck?! [audience laughter] Travis: Double damage is- 4 and 3 plus 4 and 1. Griffin: I didn’t give Marvey HP!
Griffin: Is the stapler in here? Anyone want the fucking stapler?
Griffin: Oh, Jesus, you love this shit! [Travis, crosstalk: I’m sorry-] It’s your- You’re a fucking pervert! Fetish- you’re exposing everybody to your fetishes! Travis: I’m so sorry!
Griffin: Uh- it is an uneventful climb to the twentieth floor. And, uh- as- Travis: Floor twenty! Griffin: as- as- What? Justin and Travis: [snickering] Floor twenty! Griffin: [pause] We’re not gonna say anything better than that- Travis: Griffin, we have to fight some weeds at floor twenty. Griffin: We have thirty minutes to go, and we’re not gonna say anything better than that. Did you even think about that?
Justin: I grow bored with this fight. [laughter] Griffin: Okay. [crosstalk] Justin: I’m- I’m casting polymorph on myself- Griffin: Oh, fucking- wow. Justin: Griffin, I’m texting you- [Griffin: oh]because you’re going to need this information. Griffin: Oh my god, Justin. Justin: Yes. [Wonderland music starts] Griffin: Taako’s arms sink into his chest, so that he’s just got, sort of, little arms, and his head gets really big, and really long, [Clint laughs] and his teeth get very sharp, and he grows a tail, and he turns into a tyrannosaurus rex.
Griffin: [yelling] Oh, NO! Are you keeping track of how many times you rolled as well? Clint: [crosstalk] To be honest the educational system in Huntington, West Virginia sucks- Travis: Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Four, four! Twenty-five! Twenty-seven! [overlapped with Justin] Griffin: it’s dead- STOP! Stop! You’re killing him! Travis and Justin: Thirty! Thirty-six! Griffin: Stop! He’s already dead! Travis: One more, one more, one more- [Clint: C’MON!] Travis and Justin: Thirty-seven! [A pause as the audience laughs] Travis: His parents feel it! Griffin: You fucking- you fucking- this turtle’s- this turtle’s parents- Travis: [crosstalk] Is that where the turtle’s brother dies? Griffin: -forget about him. This turtle was a successful turtle author, and the words on his books fucking vanish. [audience laughter] You have erased this turtle from existence.
Travis: But my butt- Griffin: [yelling] Come on, I’m in hell! [crosstalk] I’m dead and in hell now! You opened the door! You built the fucking door! Out of wood! Shitwood! Shame on you and shame on us!
Justin, as Taako: Garfield? Griffin, as Garfield: Yes? Justin: I have something I think is really going to interest you. Griffin: [yelling out of character] OH MY GOD! Justin: This is the Slicer of T’pire Weir Isles [background laughter] and I notice that you have a really cool sword. It’s a Flaming, Poisoning, Raging Sword of Doom, I believe it’s called. Griffin: Oh my god… Justin: And- I’m looking at your entire stock and it does seem to me that’s your most valuable posession, would you say that’s accurate? Griffin: [laughter, as Garfield] Yes, it’s absolutely the most valuable thing in the store!
Griffin: [very tired] I didn’t expect it to go like that. [audience laughter] Um- and- Travis: What did you expect to happen? Griffin: [yelling] For you to catch a fucking fish in my fish mini game! [audiene cheers] Is that so- Am I out of my mind? Is that an unreasonable expectation? To give them a fucking fish mini game- Taako makes the lake float, Travis jumps in with a rapier, like, “let’s get it done!” and Dad makes, the- the fucking shit teleport away! [audience laughter] Clint: Welcome- welcome to The Adventure Zone, Griffin.
i'll apple your turnover 