caleb: i am on a mission of revenge. i am constantly trying to grow stronger so i can fix the sins of my tragic past.
fjord: i have an unknown being giving me strange powers and directing me in scary, incomprehensible ways, and i am on a mission to understand what has happened to me.
nott: my goal is to keep this scruffy wizard alive until he’s powerful enough to learn true polymorph and change my appearance to something other than a goblin.
beau: i have some serious trauma with my father that has led me to pursue a life of petty crime, but also some anarchist leanings that are in line with the order i am in. my idle goal is to topple corruption wherever i find it.
yasha: i am a refugee from a nation the empire hates and is at war with, and i owe my life to the stormlord and will follow his directives even though they lead me to stray from my friends.
jester: i am in exile from my homeland and my nominal goal is to find my father, but i spend most of my time performing pranks in service of the traveler, whose worship base i seek to increase.
molly: i am two years old, a full-time tourist, and i want drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tag: pfft
From Syl’s point of view, these books are basically one of those cliche movies where the teenage girl really wants to race horses but her father won’t let her because her mother died racing horses; then there’s this one horse who won’t let anyone ride him but she KNOWS has the potential to be great, so she sneaks out and trains him and even though one time he throws her so her leg breaks and her dad freaks out, they eventually win the big race and save the farm. In the very end her dad begrudgingly pats the nose of the older but not quite retired racehorse who’s been begging him for sugar cubes every time he came to the stability to drag his daughter out, a sign that in the direct-to-dvd sequel, he may take up riding again as well.
The best part is that the role of the horse goes to the guy whose hatred for horses is a literal fandom meme
seeing john mulaney posts tagged with “john mulaney spoilers” is the funniest fucking thing
john mulaney dies in infinity war
No… If I win, Bruce said something about you having to take us all to brunch.
i'll apple your turnover 