Headcanon that Luke and Leia both have some super rare (midichlorian involved?) blood type and at some point one of them gets Real Hurt TM on a mission and needs a transfusion immediately on base and Han is like STICK THE NEEDLE IN ME GIVE THEM ALL MY BLOOD I’M LIKE A UNIVERSAL DONOR FILL THEM WITH MY CORELLIAN BLOOD QUICK!!!! and the medics are like OH NO THEY HAVE SUPER RARE BLOOD TYPE TM!!! YOU ARE NOT A MATCH AND WE, THE UNDERDOG REBELLION WITH LIMITED RESOURCES, DON’T HAVE THE BLOOD LEIA/LUKE NEEDS!!!!!!!
And everyone is 😨
And then whichever twin isn’t bleeding out is like TRY ME!!!!!!!! (If it’s Leia extra bravery and angst points because AfraidOfNeedlesTM; if Leia is hurt extra angst points because Han desperate to give his blood to her but not a match but Luke is, wow very angst)
And after the successful transfusion Han is like wow real lucky you guys both have this super rare crazy blood type huh!!!!
And they’re like yeah 🙂
And Han’s like “and don’t you guys have the same birthday too???”
And they’re like yeah 🙂
Han: and you’re both orphans huh?
And they’re mhmmm 😦
Han: wow talk about coincidences. Anyways real lucky!!!!!!!! 🙂
Personally, I don’t really see anything wrong with giving Luke to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. What else was Obi-Wan gonna do? (He pretty much raised Anakin and look how that turned out, he’s not gonna risk Round 2.) (He could have given both kiddos to Bail and Breha Organa, actually. Luke and Leia Organa is a cool as heck AU.)
I like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. As much as people like to say Luke really is Padme’s son, he didn’t get those morals from her. (Keeping in mind I have read no comics or novelizations, and not seen the Clone Wars TV show) It’s pretty clear that Luke’s iron spine and goodness and refusal to abandon his friends come from his upbringing. Owen and Beru Lars are kinda the Ma and Pa Kent of the Star Wars universe.
And they are Luke’s family. Owen is Shmi’s stepson. Owen and Beru probably knew Anakin’s mother for years. It’s a neat circle, and in some ways it has the feelings of an apology, for Obi-Wan to bring Luke back to his family on Tatooine in the same way that Qui-Gon took Anakin. Obi-Wan can’t undo what’s been done, and he can’t start over, but he can give Luke what the Jedi denied Anakin: a loving family and normal upbringing.
Tatooine is Darth Vader’s home planet? Yeah, sure, but did Anakin ever go back to Tatooine? (Probably once or twice, I’m guessing, in the comics at least.) Darth Vader hates that place. Bad memories. Damn sand would fuck up his suit. He’d burn it all down and then the Hutts are gonna be pissed. And how many people actually know that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker? Like, about five? (Bail, Obi-Wan, Yoda, R2-D2, and Ahsoka?) Dude is not exactly getting invites to school reunions and the weddings of childhood friends, is all I’m saying.
Even if Darth Vader ever went back to Tatooine, Tatooine is a big place. The Lars Farm is in the middle of nowhere and Obi-Wan is hanging out left of the funky rock five miles past nowhere. Anakin met his stepbrother once in the entire film trilogy and idk if they even exchanged words, much less space e-mail addresses. I kind of doubt that Uncle Owen and Darth Vader are sending each other Life Day e-cards. (That’s really funny, actually.)
Anyway, the point of this rant is that I want you to imagine new parents Owen and Beru Lars caring for toddler Luke, it’s just after Life Day, and someone rings the doorbell. Owen Lars opens up to Darth Vader holding a fruit basket, because he didn’t know what else to do for Life Day and spontaneously decided to visit distant family rather than mope in his Evil Castle again.
(Everything Obi-Wan hoped would never happen, just… happening.)
Owen, after introductions, panicking, “Uh… the suit is… new.”
He has to invite Vader in, because it’s Life Day and how exactly do you tell Darth Vader to fuck off? Then Owen and Beru have a hushed argument in the kitchen while Darth Vader is sitting awkwardly in their living room with a drink that he can’t actually drink but took to be polite. When they come out, they introduce Luke as Luke Whitesun, Beru’s late brother’s kid, which they guess makes Luke… Darth Vader’s… nephew. (They can’t hide him, Vader’s already seen this 2-3 yr old Luke and the house is COVERED in baby and kid stuff.)
And Darth Vader just… fucking falls for it.
And the Lars family has to spend the holidays with Uncle Darth Vader who is super keen to have a step-nephew-in-law. Beru is showing off her cross-stitching to Darth fucking Vader as Luke plays at their feet. Owen is in the kitchen sending a desperate space text to Obi-Wan, who basically has a heart attack on the spot when Owen sends a shitty stealth-pic of Darth Vader on their couch.
Bonus points if the Lars’ don’t even move after this, because Vader left without issue and Uncle Owen afterwards was like, “It turned out fine. I don’t want to move, that’s too much hassle.” So, every major holiday, Luke gets a visit from his Uncle Darth Vader, which works out fine so long as they instigate a “Don’t Talk About Politics” rule when Luke starts getting excited about Rebellions and starts bad-mouthing the Empire (Vader making small talk at a Star Destroyer water cooler to his terrified staff: “Ugh, I’m going to have to debate my liberal 13-yr-old nephew at the dinner table again.”), and Vader even helps with the dishes and stuff, and every time Obi-Wan ages an extra year from stress.
Guys, please, the way this continues is that the general events of the Star Wars universe continue as normal (Leia, having literally just left a space battle: “Darth Vader, the AUDACITY of attacking an innocent diplomatic vessel!”) UNTIL the stormtroopers show up at the Lars Farm. (Luke is desperately chasing down the droids he lost and properly meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi.)
At first, it’s business as usual, y’know? Stormtroopers break down the door and interrogate the occupants and start prepping to burn the place down, and the leader is in the middle of shouting, “TELL US WHERE THE DROIDS A-” when he pauses and just… stares… at the mantlepiece.
Because on the Lars family mantlepiece and walls are, like, a hundred family photos and roughly half of them have Darth Vader in them. There’s Darth Vader wearing a Life Day party hat at a dinner table. There’s Darth Vader holding a toddler and playing with model ships. There’s Darth Vader and a pimply thirteen year old in the stands at the Boonta Eve Classic. There is a cross-stitched pillow on the couch that says OUR FAMILY on it, consisting of a man, a woman, a boy, and Darth fucking Vader.
Stormtrooper Grunt #1: “What… what… what the fuck.”
Aunt Beru, who has HAD it with these guys wrecking her house, already angrily jabbing at their space phone: “I am calling Mr. Vader RIGHT NOW about this.”
Darth Vader, excusing himself from the bridge of his Star Destroyer to take a call from his stepsister-in-law: “Beru. This isn’t a good time-”
Beru: “Well, MAKE TIME, because your stormtroopers broke down our door and tracked SAND all over my nice clean floors and they won’t stop yelling about the droids we just bought! You better have a good explanation for this!”
Darth Vader does not, actually, have a good explanation for this. The stormtroopers can feel his wrath from across the galaxy. It’s a work thing and he’s very sorry and he’ll make the stormtroopers fix their door, but he does really need those droids and could they hand them over, please? He’ll have the Empire compensate them. Yes, he’ll pay them back and send new droids. Yes, kicking doors down is very rude, Beru, you’re absolutely right.
So Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru promise to pick up Luke and the droids, and hop in the spare Landspeeder to go looking for them. Owen is Not Happy to find that Obi-Wan’s given Luke a lightsaber, and Aunt Beru is Not Happy to find out that the Empire’s made some superweapon. Of course they have to get these plans to the Rebellion! Yes, she promised Vader, but he should have told her it was for such a terrible thing! Yes, Owen, they’re all going to Alderaan.
So the Lars family runs away to Mos Eisley and get on the Millennium Falcon to Alderaan, while the stormtroopers are standing around like, “Are they… coming… back???” And Han Solo does not know what the hell is going on or what to do about the Weird Old Wizard talking about “universe-penetrating magic”, or the Grumpy Farmer who keeps trying to fix his “piece of junk” ship that excuse you does not need fixing, or the Sunny Farm Boy waving a light sword around, or the kindly old woman who is currently cross-stitching in his back seat and gossiping with Chewie like he’s not even there.
Later, after the Death Star’s been destroyed, Owen and Beru Lars are now a part of the Rebellion with Luke. Beru sends Darth Vader a piece of fabric in the Space Mail, and it’s the little cross-stitched Vader from her OUR FAMILY pillow who’s been cut out because she’s mad at him. (Except her note says DISAPPOINTED and that’s worse.) Darth Vader is more upset about this than the Emperor being mad at him for the destruction of the Death Star.
This is such a wild ride and I want more.
Please, kind writer, may I have some more?
See, the thing about Uncle Darth Vader is that the Lars family lives in the middle of nowhere Tatooine. Luke has to get his news off his friends, who have to get their news from shitty Space Radio, and the Empire’s suppressing a good three-quarters of the terrible things it does. The Lars family, largely, has no idea who this Darth Vader guy is except that he’s Anakin, who did a bunch of shit in the Clone Wars and he’s evil now? (Obi-Wan is dying, guys. He’s dying.)
Oh, yeah, quick summary: the events on the Death Star proceeded more or less as they did in canon. Except Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru don’t make convincing stormtroopers, so they tagged along with the droids and found the Death Star Laundry Service and dressed up as an Empire officer and his wife on their way to a vacation on Beach Resort Planet. Luke and Han sneaking Leia out is a lot easier with Admiral Lars and his wife loudly complaining to every stormtrooper they come across that their ship isn’t being fixed fast enough and sending stormtroopers marching off in every direction.
(The Empire… does not… have high standards… for officers. It is corrupt as hell. The stormtroopers look at this middle-aged, slightly chubby guy complaining obnoxiously about his ship not being fixed fast enough, and his overbearing wife complaining shrilly about not being able to get their deposit back, and are like, “This is legit. Also, sir, I’m part of sanitation, I don’t fix ships. I don’t know where customer service is… this is a Death Star. We don’t have customer service. Uh, I guess my ‘manager’ would be Admiral Bob??? Oh, well, you’re right, I should go clean up that mess you saw on the other floor. I will agree to literally anything you say to get away from you.”)
So, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru get to the Rebellion, right? (And they have already adopted the heck out of Leia, who has been given ALL the Aunt Beru hugs.) And someone starts listing off ALL of the awful stuff that Darth Vader has done, like, the dude is SUPER EVIL. And the Lars family is just… what. (And it’s a good thing that Obi-Wan is already dead by this point, or Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru would bring him back just to kill him again.)
Luke goes to destroy the Death Star and Vader is just like, “Luke???? What are you doing???” And Luke is ignoring all of Vader’s attempts to comm him and blows up the Death Star while giving his uncle the cold shoulder.
And later, at the Rebellion, people are like “Darth Vader is your uncle???” And Luke’s just like, “YEAH, AND A LIAR!!!” (Later, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru will have a long talk with Luke about the truth and the lies they told. And Luke will forgive them because he loves them and they love him, but this doesn’t really change much, especially about how mad he is at his dad.)
Later, when they finally meet again. The rebels are just… completely stunned… because Darth Vader is desperately trying to get through to Luke, like, “Luke, nephew, please, let’s just talk about this. Beru won’t answer my voice mails. Owen unfriended me on Space Chat. We can talk about this.”
And Luke is angrily shooting at Darth Vader and shouting, “What’s there to talk about?! It’s not like you LIED TO US ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DID BY TELLING US YOU WORKED IN I.T.?!??”
“Luke…”
“YOU DON’T WORK IN I.T.!”
@makiruz said: I have questions, like WHAT did Obi-Wan tell Luke? Does Luke know how is “Uncle” Darth Vader related to Uncle Owen? Does he think he’s a Whitesun? Does he know how he’s related to Darth Vader? Since Owen and Beru aren’t Jedi do they tell Luke the truth eventually? Do they know about Leia?
WHAT did Obi-Wan tell Luke?
Everything Obi-Wan was beginning to plan flew out the window when Luke was a toddler. So he just went with what he said in canon, that Luke’s father was a Jedi Knight and Darth Vader murdered him. And Luke was like, “?!??!? Uncle murdered somebody?? (That doesn’t sound unlikely, actually.)”
Does Luke know how is “Uncle” Darth Vader related to Uncle Owen?
Yeah, Luke knows Vader is Gran Shmi’s son. But idk, he’s not really sure, but it doesn’t matter? You know how you have those people in your life who are “Aunt This” and “Uncle That” and sometimes you look them in the eyes and you’re just like, “I have no idea how or if you’re related to me.” It’s kind like that. It just is.
Does he think he’s a Whitesun?
Yes. He does. His parents died in a Tusken Raider attack and they don’t talk about it. (According to the story, which makes Darth Vader not ask questions but also unfortunately endears Luke to him even more because they have stuff in COMMON! My mother was also murdered by Tusken Raiders! 10-yr-old Luke, “That’s… neat… I guess.”)
Does he know how he’s related to Darth Vader.
Nope.
Since Owen and Beru aren’t Jedi do they tell Luke the truth eventually?
Yes. Owen and Beru meet up with Luke and Obi-Wan, and Luke is like, “Old Ben’s been telling me weird stories. I thought my parents were farmers? He says my dad was Anakin Skywalker and a Jedi Knight? And that Uncle Vader killed him????” And Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru spent most of the way to Alderaan glaring at Obi-Wan and trying to sort out the lies and the truth.
As above, after the Death Star is destroyed, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru tell Luke the truth and everything they know, including that Darth Vader is his father. They’re very sorry about it. Ghost Obi-Wan is like, “What are you doing? You’re not supposed to communicate and tell Jedi-in-training the truth about stuff??”
Do they know about Leia?
No. But they basically adopt her anyway. And so when the truth eventually comes out (sometime between ANH and ESB, probably through some medical emergency or blood test, or Luke just shaking down Ghost Obi-Wan for info), Luke is just upfront like, “Leia, we’re siblings.”
Leia, “Yeah, sure, I guess we’re kind of like siblings. I’m the favorite.”
Luke, “No??? You’re not??? I’m the favorite. Also, no, like, these medical results show that we’re literally siblings. Didn’t you once say you’re adopted?”
It’s been a whole year since Carrie Fisher’s passing and I still can’t believe she’s not with us anymore. Seeing her in all her glory on the big screen for the last time was truly mesmerizing and heartbreaking. I miss her so much 😦
hi i’m kitty i don’t know anything about star wars whoops
“What am I looking at?”
Lando leaned forward and laced his fingers together. “My taxes.” He paused, then gestured to Han. “Our taxes,” he corrected, with an unnecessarily rakish grin.
Leia squinted at the datapad. “Tax fraud.”
“Oh, no no no. Absolutely not. My accounting is impeccable.”
“I don’t see how it could be,” she said. “He’s a smuggler.”
“Hey,” Han began. He shut his mouth when Leia leveled him with a look. He opened it again to persist, but saw that Lando had a shit-eating grin as he watched their argument-in-potentia. Han glowered at Lando, and made him grin wider. Han huffed, hooking his thumbs on his belt.
“Legally, he’s a long-haul transport navigator,” Lando said, and Leia snorted. “Because he has a spouse at home—me—he qualifies for a higher income deduction as well as a few credits unique to the profession.”
“Wait, credits?” Han asked.
“Because he’s my dependent,” Lando continued, ignoring him.
“The hell I am.”
“That puts me in a unique legal position—not many people know about this, but in order to incentivize long-haul transportation, a spouse who claims a long-haul transport navigator as a dependent qualifies as a household caretaker, which is a kind of head of household that’s able to claim significantly more not only for themselves but for any other dependent spouses they may happen to have.”
“But his transport isn’t legal,” Leia said, fascinated. Han was pretending to understand the conversation, which would have been more convincing if he weren’t already fiddling with a kinetic sculpture on one of Lando’s shelves.
“It’s art.”
“What?”
“As far as my taxes are concerned,” Lando said, “Han transports art. They can’t prove that it isn’t. And I’m always careful to get the valuation right.”
“How do you know what I transport?” Han asked, indignant. A piece came off the sculpture in his hands. He looked down at it, then looked at Lando. He made a hasty attempt to reattach the piece. The entire sculpture collapsed. Han took his hands from it, and attempted to lean casually against the shelves with his elbow to block it from view.
“They call me,” Lando said.
“No,” Leia gasped, delighted.
“Yes,” Lando said, grinning again. “They know I’m his partner. They know I can’t be sure I’m getting my fair share unless I know exactly what he’s getting. So they call me.”
“What!” Han stood straighter, his brow furrowed and his face all twisted into an incredulous pout of anger.
“They might have been able to catch him smuggling,” Lando said to Leia, still not addressing Han.
“They would never,” Han sneered.
“But they’re never going to get him on tax evasion. There’s no way he would have been paying taxes on his own.”
“It never even occurred to me that he would,” Leia said.
“I’m right here,” Han reminded them.
“So you can see why I can’t divorce him,” Lando said.
“I don’t follow,” Leia said.
“My household caretaker status is the foundation of all of this,” he said, pointing to the datapad. “I divorce Han and the whole thing collapses.”
“Collapses how?” Leia asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Cloud City goes bankrupt.”
Han choked.
“How many people have you married?” Leia demanded.
“Leia, you know that you’re my favorite wife-in-law,” Lando said, “but I don’t think I’m comfortable discussing that aspect of my personal life.”
The pile of former-sculpture slid from the shelf, and clattered to the floor.
honestly I love the deleted scenes from Empire Strikes Back so much, in large part because they perfectly set up Leia’s character.
For example, in the extended argument about Han leaving, she keeps trying to make the argument that the Rebellion needs him, he’s a leader, he’s an excellent pilot, won’t he think of—but he snaps “don’t tell me about the rebellion again, don’t you ever think about anything else? I’m sorry, but you’re as cold as this planet.”
(”And you think you’re the one to apply some heat.” “I could but I’m not really interested anymore.” [insert why_u_always_lyin.gif])
This is the main personal drama for all of ESB. Han is upset she won’t admit she likes him, that she wants him to stay for herself, not for any greater purpose or to help the Rebellion. Leia is confused as to why he would want that when she’s already given him the highest praise she knows how to give. (Does Leia have a higher standard than ‘you can help fulfill my ideological and political objectives’? Though to be fair, she’s also…a little emotionally withholding, just. As a rule. Like her brother, she can be an asshole.)
It’s an interesting contrast with a couple deleted scenes later, when we get Leia and Luke alone in the medbay, as he’s recovering from the yeti attack/hypothermia. When he mentions that he’s leaving for Dagobah bc his dead mentor appeared to him in the snow, Leia flips out, “that’s great, that’s just great—why doesn’t everybody just take off?” she snaps, and a couple lines later: “When am I going to learn not to count on anyone but myself….”
(for Extra Pain, you can imagine how carefully she is Not Thinking About Alderaan, and how these two moonjockeys are the only people she’s really got left in the galaxy.)
And it makes perfect sense that she would wait until then to show emotion about Han, because Leia has always been less emotionally guarded with Luke. Even in New Hope she was warmer with Luke than Han—one of my favorite scenes in ANH is when Luke, bummed that Han won’t stay and fight the Death Star, crosses paths with Leia in the hangar. She reacts to his unhappiness with such obvious sisterly “I will unquestioningly hate whoever hurt you” that I melt.
In an earlier piece about Leia, I wrote “It’s funny, how alone you didn’t realize you were” and I stand by that as her character’s arc. Not grand or sweeping, just this shouty, emotionally reserved, burning-bright idealist, figuring out that she does not have to surrender those things to keep these people in her life.
i'll apple your turnover 