being a first time dm is weird bc you go in expecting the hardest part to be managing player arcs, writing campaigns, and planning epic battles and conflicts. but no. nooooooo. the hardest part is keepin your dang excited mouth shut about plot secrets to ALL your friends wHO ARENT ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT YET
You know, I see a lot of posts out there about dumb shit that players do and while all of those posts are incredibly valid, I feel like this is dumbass DM erasure. I dearly love every story about bards who seduce the final boss and warlocks with sugar daddies and all that BUT I think DMs are greatly misunderstood to all be these serious controlling entities who just want their players to follow through with their perfectly planned scenerios. Here’s to all the dumbass DMs out there who:
– forget their NPC names and constantly make up new names for unimportant recurring NPCs when the players see them in hopes that they wont remember
– plan a whole dungeon around one (1) spongebob reference that they really wanted to fit in
– accidentally give two NPCs the same name bc you just pull from a list and you forgot to cross it off
– choose to homebrew everything bc they have an Artistic Vision but the vision is just that you want there to be three gnomes in a trench coat selling sketchy magical items somewhere in the setting
– use the same dumbass voice for every NPC but with different 90s surfer slang for different characters
– make just awful items and make their players buy them (I’m currently working on the “Ross From Friends” tramp stamp of +1 AC)
– realize they only have 28 minutes before the next session to plan and instead make text posts on tumblr.com
Anyway if any DMs want to add onto this with some dumbass shit they’ve subjected their players to feel free
Okay, at this point there has to be something wrong with me, right? I’ve watched this 20 times in the last half hour, I still don’t know what they are saying half the time, but it doesn’t seem to matter because i’ve been crying my eyes out laughing for the entire last half hour …
what the fuck is this from i gotta know
it’s called letterkenny and it’s about a man who gets dumped and then goes on to shirk his pacifism and reclaim and hold his title as the toughest dude in the rural town of letterkenny ontario. every episode cold opens like this in increasingly bizarre ways.
I read the bit about not being able to parse what’s being said and then I read the bit about it being set in this fuckin province, and I thought, like, what kind of accent could they possibly use that was so incomprehensible while still setting it in northern goddamn
Ontario? and actually, okay, you know what, despite having lived immersed in it my entire life I’m not sure i’ve ever seen this exact accent on tv before, it is just weird to see actors using it
My cousins grew up with the guy who wrote this show and is the main actor. It’s scary accurate for hick town Ontario (it’s based on the town of Listowel) and apparently some of the characters are based so closely on real people that they’ve recognized themselves while watching.
ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT IN THOSE SHADES OR PLAY POKER STARS DOT COM
Distribute some free literature.
I lived near Ontario in rural NY and we picked up this sort of similar affect. It’s so scary how true-to-life this is in that area of the contintent
LINGUISTICS: Human language is very difficult. Too much is conveyed by body language and what they call ‘tone’. Thankfully Humans are patient with misunderstandings, and largely shrug off difficulties and explain as needed. No one is quite sure what the word ‘fuck’ means, and they are all afraid to ask. Its use is wide and varied, and too often leads to violence of one kind or another.
HOBBIES: When Humans began signing on as crew for multi-species vessels, they began hauling in all sorts of… things. Things that had NOTHING to do with their abilities to do their jobs. Musical instruments, pictures that were cut to pieces which are then reassembled painstakingly, chemical enhancements imbibed for recreational purposes, miniature pre-contact transportation vessels built in containers of glass that serve no evident purpose, meters and kilometers and LIGHT YEARS of string and sticks and small fiddly bits. “What do you do when you’re not working?” “Prepare for more work.” “Wow. Sounds boring.”
KNITTING: Really, not just knitting. The construction of any and all garments on-board ship. Often garments that serve no clear purpose. All needed gear is issued upon arrival. So why is that human standing watch with a handful of long metal wires and a ball of string? AND HOW DID IT BECOME A SOCK? WHY DO THEY KNOW WHAT SOCKS ARE? Crocheted lace is banned among some species because it triggers a closed-loop neurological function when watched.
BOREDOM: It’s not so much being bored that confuses other species. Any beings who traverse the stars are familiar with moments, sometimes long moments, of nothing to do. It is Humans’ approach to this feeling that is unusual. They DO THINGS. Too often, they involve others. “Bands” playing harmonious sounds. “Movie Night” becomes a thing in Human space, so common that for a long time other species thought it was a ritual of some kind. They include the rest of the crew; the crew is usually confused by Human ideas of entertainment. Attempts to share stories in the other direction only lead to the Humans themselves being confused.
The first Human to introduce rugby to a ship as a way to kill time was nearly tried for mutiny.
i'll apple your turnover 