ignore this question if it’s too personal but i was wondering… how do you deal with aging, growing old and still being part of fandoms? Im growing older and i feel like every year i have a less and less like… ’right’ to be in fandoms. That i’m to old compared to others etc this scares me shitless tbh

pearwaldorf:

thievinghippo:

(First, I’m sorry this took so long to answer, anon! Life has been a bit overwhelming the last couple of months.)

I’m happy to delve into this a bit. Aging and such is something I think people need to talk about. Otherwise it can be scary sometimes. So for anyone curious, I will be turning 40 on my next birthday. 

A little background. I’ve been part of fandom since I was 24 years old. Back then, fandom was a little different and instead of tolerating older fans, we embraced them. I remember going to a Harry Potter conference in 2007. I went to a fanfiction panel that had five women on it, all in their 40s and 50s. They were so happy and confident in their place in fandom and their friendships. It was absolutely beautiful to see.

I remember thinking I hope that’s me some day. Now, of course, things are different. I regularly see posts making fun of people over a certain age for still being in fandom. 

We’re all going to get old some day. There’s no stopping that. But getting older doesn’t mean you suddenly lose interest in the things you love. You might have less time to geek out about them, but you’re not gonna lose interest. 

I think the key is finding yourself little corner of fandom. Find some people around the same age as you. (For me, I consider ‘same age’ anyone over thirty. There is no upper limit.)

Then basically, once you have this corner, it’s time to say ‘fuck it.’ That might sound harsh, but I refuse to let anyone take away something that makes me happy. Gaming and reading and writing fanfic brings me a ridiculous amount of joy. It’s helped me make friends from all over the world. 

Do not let anyone take away your joy. You have just as much of a right to be in fandom as anyone else. And anon, you’re always welcome in my little corner of fandom!

Listen, nonnie. I have been in fandom since I was 14? 15? and I turn 36 tomorrow. This is a thing that has been part of me for more than half my life. 

I don’t know how old you are, but when I was first starting out in fandom, it was considered a grown-up pursuit. Sure there were places for under 18s, but the people who ran the mailing lists, wrote the newsgroup FAQs, and paid for archive hosting fees? All adults. It was… I don’t want to say unusual for younger people to be in fandom, but it was made clear that you behaved respectfully in community/adult spaces. Or you pretended (very badly) to be an adult and the actual adults overlooked it.

It was super helpful to me as a young-un to have older female fans to look up to, and know that I could be an adult (whatever the fuck that means) and still have room for hobbies and interests I loved. It was also helpful, just as a person, to have a network of older women who were invested in my well-being but not necessarily involved in my day to day life to turn to. I am grateful for my fandom aunties, and I hope I can be there for younger fans the same way.

I feel like a lot of the “Ew adults in fandom” bullshit comes from younger fans who can barely conceive of reaching 30 as a non-abstract thing, and suffer from deep misapprehensions of what adult life is like. Yes you have to deal with stupid things like insurance and taxes, but you also have so much more freedom to enjoy the things you love. I am also irritated by so many heteronormative presumptions these people seem to have: you get married, have kids, and become so incredibly boring nobody wants you in fandom anyways. Not everybody gets married or has kids, and neither of those things makes you boring, you make yourself boring. 

So find yourself some friends to grow old with, and stick to them like limpets. If you can’t, find new friends. I have found that in new fandoms, I tend to gravitate towards people my age and older, even if I don’t know it at the time. If you’re enthusiastic and kind, that’s honestly all most people require to start talking. There is room for you in fandom always, no matter what age you are.

harriet-spy:

naamahdarling:

centaurianthropology:

olderthannetfic:

maleccrazedauthor:

bonibaru:

naamahdarling:

sulphur-crested-cocktease:

shidgephobe:

wrotemyown:

araceil:

denaceleste:

nwcostumer:

wrangletangle:

beatrice-otter:

tomato-greens:

joestrummin:

i didnt realise ao3 was started in response to lj deleting account relating to p//edophi|ia and they explicitly support the posting of such works yikes

it wasn’t, like, ~~~we luv pedophilia, it was way more complicated than that!

although it’s true AO3 does allow all fannish content provided it’s properly warned for, there’s a long history there – of spaces being used by fans until the host decided whatever we were doing was too weird and distasteful and either kicking us off, banning certain content, or changing the nature of the site until it was no longer viable as a host.

you’re referring to the LJ Strikethrough of 2007, which, being an ancient crone, I lived through, and since I was hanging out in the last vestiges of SGA and in bandom, I saw some of the fallout. this was before LJ was sold to the Russians (which is a whole ‘nother story), when it was still owned by Six Apart; in an effort to clean up LJ’s act, Six Apart decided to delete all accounts using tags like underage, incest, rape, etc.

this was supposed to get rid of actual child porn on the site, and I hope it did, but it also targeted fan communities. this was a problem for a couple reasons; for one thing, not every story tagged with these words is in favor of them; for another, these things happen to real people and these personal posts were also potentially in danger of being attacked; for the last one, look, I ain’t into this kind of fic but people write about what people write about, and if it’s fictional and not explicitly banned in the TOS (correct me if I’m wrong; I don’t think written content about this stuff was banned?) then it’s not cool for a content host to just start deleting communities without warning.

but that’s what happened! these deletions were also primarily targeting slash communities, which smacked of some serious homophobia since things were deleted that had nothing to do with any of this kind of content.

eventually someone found out it was this super conservative religious group who’d sent a list of journal names to Six Apart, and who if I remember correctly targeted slash fic on purpose, even after it became clear that the fic was, well, totally fictional. after a while, Six Apart admitted they’d made a mistake and started to reinstate journals, but all of fandom was pretty shaken up.

THEN Boldthrough happened, which was essentially the same debacle several months later, at which point fandom began its long slow migration from LJ to GJ, IJ, and eventually AO3, Twitter, and tumblr.

AO3 was opened in 2008 in response to several incidents, of which Strikethrough was a really intense one. remember, also, that back in 2008 the stigma surrounding fandom was significantly greater and more shameful than it is today, so finding hosts willing to archive fic was difficult unless someone had the dough to pay for server space – often not an option. this was also back when fanfic.net’s HTML restrictions were so great that users couldn’t use any special characters or bold or italicize anything, and it didn’t allow R-rated content, so it was clearly not ideal. in addition, although cease & desist letters were much less common than they were in the early 2000s and before, DMCA takedowns were still a phantom on the horizon.

LONG STORY SHORT, even though pedophilia is reprehensible and I personally cannot stomach fanfic that involves that kind of content, AO3 was founded specially as a safe space for fandom communities that could not find homes elsewhere. it requires warnings precisely for that reason, and if you find a story that is not properly warned, you can alert the admins and get the story labeled appropriately.

IDK, maybe it’s just because I am, again, ancient, but I was in and around fandom before homosexuality was legal in all 50 states. so were most of the people who started AO3. for most of my formative life, being gay was associated with pedophilia, and so was writing about gay characters. just – it’s a lot more complicated than you might expect, and there’s a reason many older fans who have been involved in several generations of fandom were so grateful to have AO3 as an option.

I don’t read, for example, Hydra Trash Party fics.  They squick me, and I generally feel they are pretty gross.  But writing noncon body-horror is not the same as saying “yeah, I totally want to go out and rape and torture people for years while brainwashing them!” or even “yeah, I wouldn’t do it myself, but it would be totally okay if someone did!”  Nobody is hurt by it, and nobody is going to be hurt by it.  So should I have the right to go, that is gross, you don’t get to write or read that?  No.

In the same way, writing about underage teens getting it on–sometimes with each other, sometimes with adults, sometimes consensually, sometimes not–is not the same as child pornography, nor does reading a fic about Hermione and Snape getting it on while she was his student mean someone thinks that would be a good and/or healthy thing in real life.

Fiction affects reality, but fiction is not reality.  And writing about something does not mean you want to do it in real life, or believe that anyone should.

Let’s take a closer look at that “Ao3 supports pedophilia!” shall we?

1) The only fics I have ever come across that had actual pedophilia (i.e. someone having sex with a child), it was clearly and explicitly abuse.  It was not meant to titillate or arouse.  It was meant to horrify.  It was seldom explicit.

2) There’s a lot more incest, but it is usually portrayed either as explicitly mutually consensual (i.e. Sam/Dean) or as abusive.

3) I’ve been in fandom for a decade and a half.  When people start getting upset at “omg pedophilia, think of the children!” the fics they are usually objecting to aren’t actually pedophilia.  Usually, it is teenagers having sex, especially queer sex.  And people don’t like that, and use pedophilia as an excuse to shame people for writing/reading sex they don’t like.

Let’s look closer at Strikethrough, shall we?  I hope that, if there were any communities of actual pedophiles on LJ, they got taken down, too.  But here are some of the communities that got taken down that were not in any way supporting pedophilia and/or rape and/or incest that got taken down:

1) at least one support community for survivors of sexual abuse.

2) a literary book discussion group that was reading Lolita.

3) lots of slash fanfic communities, for things like Draco/Harry fic set in their fourth year (when both boys would have been 15).

Basically, this very conservative “family values” group hated porn, and they hated queer stuff even more, and used “but think of the children, it’s pedophilia!” to pressure LJ to get rid of huge swathes of things they didn’t like.  And one time taking down the worst of it wasn’t good enough for them.  No, this was step one on a moral crusade.  If you acceded to their demands, all that did was whet their appetite, and soon they would be back with a new list of demands.  This is why the 2007 strikethrough was not an isolated event, but rather one of a series of events, nor was LJ the only website thus targeted.  It starts with anything that can get labelled “pedophilia” or “incest” because that’s low-hanging fruit.  But they use that to go after anything relating to queer teen sexuality.  Then anything with teen sexuality.  Then once the community is already divided and diminished, they go after anything with non-con.  Then whatever is next on their list.  It doesn’t stop until they’ve won the point and nothing but suitably “family-friendly” fics that match their purity test are allowed.

Which is why AO3 has no morality content in their terms of service.  You can’t break copyright beyond fair use (and AO3 has an expansive view of “fair use” and a team of lawyers on call).  You can’t use AO3 for commercial advertising.  And you can’t post ACTUAL child pornography, i.e. the things that are legally prohibited, i.e. actual photographs or videos of actual children (not teens) in sexually explicit positions–you know, the stuff that actually hurts kids.  Other than that?  It’s fair game.  You can post anything you want, and the archive will not judge.  There is no handle for the Moral Majority Family-Friendly Thought Police to latch onto, no cracks they can exploit to divide and conquer.

We’ve been down that road.  It doesn’t lead anywhere good.

Reblogging this for the excellent explanation of what exactly the moral crusaders did last time. They had an explicit agenda of anti-queerness, and they specifically targeted slash and femslash communities in particular, such that many ship communities became (or started as) deliberately members-only. You had to apply, and your personal blog had to look like a real person and a fan. You were vetted, a la 1990s private servers.

During this period, Dreamwidth was also targeted by attacking its payment processor. They had to get a new one. These “Warriors” (literally called themselves that!) were totally on board with destroying fandom as a side effect of destroying the parts of fandom they didn’t like.

If you’re carrying out harassment of people right now because they’re posting works with sexual elements you don’t agree with? (And it’s always sex, never non-sexual violence, how strange….) If you’re doing that, you’re also totally on board with destroying fandom as a side effect of destroying the parts of fandom you don’t like. Because your tactics are fandom-destroying, and so is your agenda.

reblogging because this is important: strikethru and boldthru and all the various “purges” that fandom went thru about 10 years ago: this had to do with OUTSIDERS deciding that fandom in general and fanfiction in specific were evil and needed to be destroyed; unless we were writing and shipping good vanilla M/F married people. These were outsiders, going after fictional writing about fictional characters.

AO3 and OTW are HUGE, because now we have an organization, with very smart women and a lot of lawyers, that have our back. Fannish history is important, people! It has not always been this way.

This is so, so important: there’s that other post about AO3 and fanfiction floating around, about our history. People decry violent video games but no one is trying to force companies out of business. But people can and do attack fanfiction: an activity primarily written by women for women, about fictional characters. And often about sex. We have to constantly defend ourselves, protect ourselves, support each other against charges like “paeodophilia”.

^^^rebageling again for excellent commentary

Throwing this in because I was also present: This was during the American Government’s attempts to pass censorship laws on the internet. As MOST of those domains had their serves in America, they were beholden to those censorship laws. A great deal of fanfiction.net was removed because they happened to lose a goddamn courtcase. I’ve been on the site since 2002. They may not have ‘officially’ allowed NC-17 rated content (what it used to be listed as in the filters), it never did a damn thing to remove it. Ever. They had it listed as a rating option during ‘New Story’ uploading after all. It was i nthe search filters. After they lost the courtcase however, they legally had to start doing things about the mature content reports they got. The admins and mods were not actively looking for fic to remove, they were just responding to reports they had already received. 

tl;dr – I know tumblr is all about black and white “you’re either all right or all wrong” thinking, but it’s important to understand what actually happened before going “ew ao3 was made to give pedophiles a safe place to post” because that is 110% not what happened.

This is why so, so many of the comparatively older fannish folks on tumblr like me are so vehemently against stuff like the anti movement and “all ships are valid UNLESS”. It smacks of censorship and content policing – and we’ve been there. We got our shit deleted and our accounts banned because someone else thought what we were reading or writing or talking about needed to just… not exist. No warning. Literally overnight. We just woke up and stuff was gone.

And yeah, the group was legit called Warriors for Innocence (or maybe of). I knew several people that were members of survivor/support groups that lost their groups – and their main support network – when Strikethrough happened (ten years ago holy shit).

You antis need to listen when us older fans tell you that the censorship you’re advocating for, when put into practice, is NOT a positive thing; it’s an extremely scary thing!

I can guarantee that you would be very, very upset if another event like LJ Strikethrough were to happen today because *you* are just as vulnerable as the rest of us! If you support the rights of marginalized groups of people, if you’re a slash or fem slash shipper, if you support gender identities that aren’t defined by biological sex, if you care about representation, if you support women, if you have any kind of kink, if you care about fandom in any capacity beyond its eradication, YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT THE SORT OF CENSORSHIP YOU’RE ADVOCATING!!

People were terrified during Strikethrough.  I was there.  Communities were being shut down, individual users were being shut down.  People were losing access to their own fics, their feedback, their comments – a LOT went on in comments on LJ.  Think more coherent reblogs, much more personal, very widespread.  Comments were also very important, and in terms of networking/communicating, were absolutely critical.  

LJ was, for many people, central.  

It was a fundamental part of the infrastructure of fandom at the time.  

Having it attacked, having parts of your fandom’s territory just deleted like that, was very very scary.  People didn’t know who was next.  Every day, the list of stricken journals grew.  And not all of them came back, not all of them recovered their content.  Some people even voluntarily deleted their content as a form of protest.  It was a bad time.

You do not have to interact with fic that grosses you out or makes you uncomfortable.  Tagging is a thing.  And even outside of tags, you are responsible for curating your own fandom experience.  It is not right to expect it to be curated for you.  And it is not right to lash out when someone refuses to do so and expects you to walk away from things that do not concern you.

I was gonna say “things that don’t harm anyone” but I realize you can argue that.  If you get triggered, that’s upsetting.  That could be considered harm.  And I have sympathy for that.  I do.

I have run across fic that triggered me.  I have pretty specific triggers, and people don’t always think to warn for them because they aren’t that big a deal for a lot of people.  Or it’s sort of bundled into kink and is presumed, that if you’re okay with certain kinds of kink, you’re okay with this.  So I’ve been blindsided by it before.  And it sucks for a couple of days while I get over it.

That was not the fault of the authors! You could argue that tagging should have been used, and maybe it should, but ultimately that’s not an ironclad obligation.  It’s a tool people provide out of courtesy.

That was not the fault of the site!  The site is there to give authors a way to make fiction available, not to judge each work and interrogate its validity and make sure everything is tagged so that nobody has to see anything bad, ever.

That was not even my fault!  It was my responsibility to try to curate my experience, and I tried, but it wasn’t my fault because I didn’t deliberately set out to trigger myself.

When I get triggered, unless it is by a deliberate act, it is actually the fault of the people who hurt me in the first place! And I refuse to let them off the hook and blame perfectly innocent people who just wanna write their fanfiction! I may hate that fanfiction, but that is irrelevant to the question of whether or not people should be allowed to post whatever they want.

Also, some people cope by writing about fucked-up shit.  My best friend in the whole wide world has shared her fic with me, and HOO BOY it is messed up. She wrote it during a time in her life when she was in and just coming out of a horrifically abusive relationship.  I mean, it was exactly the kind of relationship all of us here on Tumblr love to hate.  She was married to a shitty, abusive man who preyed on someone younger than he was and used his influence over her to treat her in a way that would be right at home in that Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That?  He was a real rapist, a verified grade-A bad fuckin’ guy.  (She was lucky to escape.  I have immense respect for her.)  And she wrote some fucked up fic to deal with it, and she shared it, and people were invested in it.  And because this was early 2000′s, she had to host it on a foreign server and cover her tracks, because at that time no-place was safe to post it.

“Yeah, but if she’s writing it for therapy, she doesn’t have to post it where other people might have to see it!” I hear you say.

But like … what the hell??? “Shut up, don’t talk about it, it’s bad to talk about these things, because these things are bad!” is something used against folks with trauma.

“This isn’t good for me, I can’t talk about this, I can’t be your audience for this,” that’s fine, those are boundaries that people with trauma use to defend themselves.  You should learn to say those things!  It will help you!

But expecting other people to never create and share art about trauma is just so thunderously oppressive I lack the ability to fully articulate it.

And nobody should have to disclose their history of trauma to prove their motives are pure or virtuous enough for their speech to be protected.  I’ve only really been able to openly say “I was assaulted, it was traumatic, I am a little fucked up from it” for the past couple of years, tops.  I couldn’t talk about it before that.  Couldn’t!  And it was over 20 years ago!

I also believe, very firmly, that you don’t need a history of abuse to find writing really messed-up shit satisfying, or to find reading it cathartic.  I believe 100% in the freedom of creative expression, and the freedom to read whatever fucked up shit you want to read.

All y’all fandom youngsters can spit nails all you want over gross rape fic, incest fic, whatever.

Fine, I don’t like it either!

But that fucked up shit?  That fucked up shit helped carve out the spaces we have today.  You don’t have to like it, but campaigning to get it deleted, harassing content creators, calling people rapists and pedophiles who have never done and would never ever do such a thing, that is not the way to improve the world, it doesn’t keep actual kids or teens or assault/rape victims safe.  It wouldn’t have made me feel safe when I was 16 and did’t want what was going on.  It doesn’t make me feel safe now.  I can say with the perspective of someone 24 years away from that event, it doesn’t make the world safer for people like I was.  It actually makes it worse.

Learn to steer clear of the messed-up stuff you don’t like.  It’s a skill, you get better with practice.  Have someone else vet stuff for you if you need help doing it now.

Everything that is sketchy and gross is not criminal, and writing about a thing is not morally the same as doing it.  Please stop acting like writing about an adult and a teenager having really questionable, gross sex is as bad as the actual registered sex offender they caught hanging around an actual elementary school two neighborhoods over from mine, just trying to talk to the kids.  The former is, at most, in poor taste, and potentially triggering to abuse victims.  The second makes me want to vomit because even though he was just talking, that guy was gearing up to try something and create another abuse victim.  A g a i n.  

The first can be avoided because it is imaginary and you, an adult, have power over your back button so that you don’t have to witness harm to imaginary people.  The second, those very real kids had to rely on real adults and real law enforcement to keep them safe from very real assault.  

(It worked!  The neighborhood rallied!  He was arrested for violating parole!)

Pretty sure Sleazebag McDongface didn’t read some gross NC-17 Draco/Lucius fic before deciding to harm an actual human being.  Pretty sure not having read it didn’t keep him from doing it. ‘Cause he fuckin’ did it.  And he would have done worse. But actual people stopped him.

I get wanting to protect victims when so many of us are victims ourselves, but man, going after fiction is not the way to do it.

An author is not a perpetrator.  Stop trying to make those things synonymous in the minds of other fans, and in the minds of other recovering victims.

I’m a crone who also lived through strikethrough, and all y’all young fans need to read this and understand it if you don’t want history to repeat itself someday.

Here’s the thing, also: it doesn’t stop with fic about objectionable stuff.

If you have a website with TOS that includes any kind of “objectionable content” rules, there will be parties who will use those rules to try to silence other people whom they want silenced.

Let’s look at the alt-right and MRA movements today, or GamerGate a few years ago. What is one of their primary weapons? They report black or feminist or really any leftist YouTube channels (or Twitter accounts, or whatever) whose message they don’t like and claim those channels are are violating TOS by posting hate speech or incitations to violence or whatever bullshit they can come up with, in an attempt to silence those channels.

When Anita Sarkeesian of Feminist Frequence came under fire for starting a crowdfunding endeavor to fund the production of her Tropes vs. Women in Video Games series of videos, male gamers tried to get her KickStarter and various social media accounts shut down by reporting her for for hate speech and promoting terrorism.

Luckily, that became a big enough story that the dudes failed and their efforts backfired. But a lot of times, these tactics work.

How do I know this? Because it happened to me. Not over major shit like the examples above, but over something completely petty.

Back in the mid-to-late 90s, before LiveJournal really became the place for fandom, before FF.net was really a thing, you had to create your own personal website on whatever free webhost you could find (GeoCities was popular, but there were others) if you wanted to host your fic somewhere.

And back then, TV studios and book authors were still sending their lawyers after people who wrote fanfic, issuing cease and desist letters to not only the authors, but also to their webhosts.

At the time, I was writing perfectly het Mulder/Scully fanfic. No rape, no pedophilia, no slash. Maybe a little BDSM. But largely it was unobjectionable.

Then the 8th season of X-Files started, David Duchovny decided he only wanted to be involved part-time, and the show decided to bring in another male character. The fandom lost their shit–as fandoms do–over the idea of “replacing” Mulder blah blah blah.

One of the most popular fanfic mailing lists–one that had previously had no restrictions on what characters or pairings could be posted–decided that if you wrote fanfic involving this character, you were no longer welcome. Well, this was the mailing list with all the readers. Sure, authors could go to other mailing lists, but they wouldn’t have exposure to the sort of readership this other list boasted.

I spoke out, saying that this change was unfair to fic authors and that the moderator of this list was behaving in a pretty vile way. The moderator and her friends took aim at me and began a campaign of harassment, and a few days later, suddenly my website with my XF fanfic was TOSed because someone had reported it. So was the next site I tried to create to host my fic, and the one after that.

Thanks to the way AO3s TOS are constructed, that sort of shit doesn’t happen now. I can speak up if I need to, and while I may receive harassment on my various social media accounts, there’s no chance they can have my fic taken down just because they have an agenda and don’t like me for reasons not relating to my fic.

So yeah, AO3′s rules protect fic a lot of us might find objectionable. But they also protect fic that is in no way objectionable from being targeted by unrelated harassment campaigns. And since any of us could find ourselves in the sights of those sort of campaigns at any time, we need to thank our lucky stars for that.

I like this last addition.

When I helped write the ToS for AO3, I wasn’t primarily thinking about strikethrough. I was primarily thinking of FFN, where so many people post things that are technically against the ToS but that the community tolerates. Any time someone gets pissed off, they can go on a grudge-reporting spree and target their enemy’s work. Often, that means guys targeting slash or Twilight fic because it’s “for girls” and thus sucks. Sometimes, it’s one ship vs. another. I was also thinking of Miss Scribe and all of that other Harry Potter fandom drama. (And if you think fans are above destroying an entire archive just to strike at one enemy, think again!)

We can’t force people to like each other. We can’t force people to be nice to each other. But we could take away fandom bullies’ favorite tools.

So we did.

Watching young (ostensibly liberal) bloggers and fans take up the deeply conservative rhetoric and moral crusading of the right wing and evangelical groups from the 90s has been both fascinating from an anthropological perspective, and fucking horrifying for someone who lived through this time period and the death of LJ.  

This thread keeps getting better.

It galls me to think that those of us who went through all this shit might have to go through it again because people who were still in primary school at the time don’t see anything wrong with harassing us over

Like, I hate to pull this argument, but we are your fandom elders, we did what we did to preserve fandom for y’all, so y’all would have space to safely explore the sane things we did and still do. And in doing so we rightly realized that if we wanted to protect the comfortable, cuddly parts, we also needed to protect the dark parts.

You can hate non-con fic all you want, and I will always advocate for adequate tagging/warning (especially with franchises that are aimed at younger audiences, e.g. MLP:FIM and SU) so that you don’t have to see it because I sympathize, but I will never support people who want to make sure that it isn’t even there to be seen. I’ve been through that once. It didn’t help anyone. It didn’t fix anything.

Please, learn to curate your own online experience. You are responsible for not clicking, or clicking away. Don’t try to force others to do it for you. That’s not cool. You aren’t protecting children. You are asking fandom to treat everyone like a child. There is a massive difference.

Reblogging for the history (was there; can confirm), and also–

Come on.  When you hear an extreme claim like “ao3 supports pedophilia,” an entire protocol should kick off in your head.  Who, exactly, is saying it?  How much confidence do you have in your knowledge of this person?  (A more important question than it used to be; I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that 15% of “fandom leftists” are actually Russian bots.)  What basis do they have for this claim–were they in a position to know first-hand, are they known to have studied the topic carefully?  How complete is their knowledge?  Could they be missing important context?  Do they have any known biases or preferences that might slant their reading of something?  Do they have motives to be untruthful?  Could they just be mistaken?  What are the underlying facts supporting their claim?  Are there other readings of those facts that you can think of?  Do you have any biases/preferences that you need to keep in mind that might lead you to prefer an inaccurate reading?

Honestly, were you all raised by wolves, that you need this explained to you?  Why do we have to tell you not to set everybody’s house on fire because you want to drive out imaginary intruders?  Kneejerk reactions to buzzwords is for followers of our current president.  Do better.

golbatgender:

patrexes:

“you can’t control who’s going to read your gross fic!!”

yes i can. it’s called tagging appropriately. the only people who are gonna read my gross e-rated dead dove dubious consent mind control vore porn are

1) adults who want to read that content, and

2) people who looked at those tags, looked at the mature content warning, and then said “well that looks like absolutely nothing i want to be a part of” and then clicked it anyway to get angry about

[Oglaf cartoon (“Annals”)

Person 1: “If they hate the show so much, why do they keep coming back?”

Person 2: “Do you know some people can orgasm from outrage alone?”

Person 1: “What? No!”

Person 2: “Me neither, but it’s the only guess I have.”]

vaspider:

feynites:

You know, a big part of purity culture is an inability to cope with your own mistakes, because in your mind, there’s no way to bounce back from serious errors. You can’t just apologize for doing something Problematic™ and then try not to do it again, because then you’re just Bad, so you’ve gotta prove that whatever you did was never bad to begin with. That you’re still Good and therefore did not actually do anything wrong.

So it kind of irks me when I see people acting like ‘purity culture’ is pointing out mistakes or debating about the implications of various actions.

That’s not purity culture, that’s normal culture. Purity culture is getting so overwhelmed at the prospect of ‘being bad’ that you can’t even cope with it and your only recourse is to fight against the implication tooth and nail, as well as the other, more widely understood issue of people refusing to let anyone else grow or change. Because the conceit of purity is that deep down, you’re either virtuous or evil. So there’s no room for forgiveness or for personal growth.

That’s also why you see it cropping up in social circles all over the political spectrum. Because it’s a fallacy that anyone can fall into as long as they have actual morals. It’s based in a belief that morality is a matter of innate nature, not active choices. Regardless of what your values may be.

This literally sums up what it took me a LOT of therapy to figure out, and real fucking well, too. 

Damn.

How was squick used? Like would you tag something you didn’t want to see or comment “X is my squick because of Y”?

kaasknot:

jumpingjacktrash:

eerian-sadow:

aegipan-omnicorn:

greenjudy:

laylainalaska:

ibroketuesday:

desert-neon:

For the original ask, requesting the definition of squick, please see this post.

Squick is a fun term that was often used as both a noun and a verb. Either X was one of your squicks, or X squicked you, or squicked you out, or squicked you hard.

It was often used in fic exchanges. They would ask for a list of your squicks so that the gifting author would know not to include any hint of them. It was also used in casual conversation with fandom friends, authors, artists, etc. It could be left in comments, or as a reason you just didn’t read your best fandom friend’s latest fic. “Sorry, bff, you know I love your writing, but you have X tagged at the top, and that just squicks me out.” “Hey, no worries, best reader friend! I totally get it. Give this one a pass, but I’ll send you a note when I post my next one! I promise it will be totally X-free!”

Here’s the thing though. In your example, you explain why X is your squick with Y. But the beauty of squick was that (at least in my experience) no explanation was necessary. Not only was it not necessary, it was rarely asked for. A squick is a squick, and there doesn’t have to be any rhyme or reason. In fact, why would you have a rational, bullet-pointed, well-thought-out argument as to why something squicked you out? Very often it’s a visceral reaction, and if you don’t like the thing, you’re likely not going to sit and do deep meditation on why not.

Squicks were respected by fandom. You don’t like the thing, okay, we will tag the thing appropriately, you do not have to read the thing, no judgments on either side. There was no fandom policing, only respect.

And this, I think, is super important, because fandom policing is a problem, especially when it comes to triggers. “Trigger” has become so overused, so all-encompassing, that people feel they have to defend their legitimate triggers. If X triggers you, it triggers you, and you DO NOT need to provide an explanation. But because “trigger” is so often used in place of “squick,” some people feel they have the right to “call out” those who use the word. They want explanations, they want you to tell them what that triggering concept does to you, so they can call bullshit and feel superior. You don’t have to explain either your squicks or your triggers, but using the correct word stops the fandom police from feeling as though they have the right to ask.

Bring “squick” back, people. Don’t devalue triggers, which are horrible, nasty, dangerous things.

#the beauty of squick was that it offered no moral judgement#merely a statement of personal taste#and let you estate when something just wasn’t your cup of tea#without having to justify it#plenty of things squick me out in fic which are absolutely not triggers#but now there’s a real culture of having to justify not liking stuff on a moral basis (via clarias)

the culture of justifying dislike on an ideological/moral basis in part one: chapter one of my novel, Let Me Show You My Issues With Tumblr Fandom. the requirement for ideological purity has become so impossibly strict, and is valued so highly, that tearing the thing you dislike from an ideological standpoint is the quickest way to shut it down. it’s a cheap, disingenuous shortcut that exploits social justice language for personal leverage. it’s not like we were free of wankery and ship wars back in ye olde lj days, god, far from it, but at least the insults we flung at each other were subjective: A is so bad for B and if you can’t see that you’re an idiot!!! B/C OTP!!! (i should also disclaim that we did have moral policing as well, it was just FAR less extensive.) leveraging social justice concepts is an attempt to gain a kind of objective superiority. “they’re a dark ship and i don’t like that” holds little power; “they’re abusive and you support abuse by shipping this” is a trump card to shut down the content you don’t like and the people who fan it. that kind of rhetoric is all over the damn place and it continues to be propagated because it works and it has created a culture from which a variety of problems like the trigger issue explained above consistently arise. 

…i would go into further chapters on my novel but i am tired now

As an additional data point, as far as I know the term “squick” comes from the BDSM community, originally. At least that’s where I first encountered it, on BDSM message boards on usenet in the mid-90s – yes, I was on BDSM message boards in the mid-90s; long story. As such, the implicit lack of judgment is important to the meaning of the word; you need a word to mean “I really don’t want to do that, and I don’t want to watch you doing that, but I don’t judge YOU for liking that and I don’t mind if YOU do it … somewhere far away from me.”

I can’t really think of any other words we have for the same concept that aren’t judgmental to some extent. Anything I can think of to try to define “squick” using non-slangy words (disgusting, unpleasant, etc) have a judgy sort of vibe. And we really do need a word to talk about tropes and kinks in the same kind of way we can talk about how you like that ship and I like this ship but that doesn’t make your ship bad.

(Er, ideally we’d be able to talk about ships that way, obviously, in a perfect world … XD)

I was also thinking about how the original ask implies a very modern fannish mindset that’s just … not there, in the original fandom milieu that the squick concept came out of. Not that I’m saying fandom was better in the old days or anything, god no. But trying to explain why you have a squick, or asking someone else why they have theirs, is just not a thing you’d generally do. Squicks are irrational; that’s baked into the meaning of the word. Squicks aren’t something you explain. They just are. I mean, you could obviously try to figure it out, just like you can try to figure out why you have a particular kink, but in both cases, you don’t have to explain or justify it in order for other people to accept it as valid. I don’t need to explain that I like h/c for X and Y reasons in order to request it in an exchange. And squick functions the same way.

All of which makes it a very useful word for talking about fandom concepts without implying that someone else’s tastes make them a bad person!

My tired old soul reflecting on how ideas, concepts, sensibilities, can just disappear. 

Squicks are not triggers. I have both: much better as I’m feeling these days, certain visuals can trigger my OCD. Once triggered, my OCD must be handled or it will fucking impair me.

This is so utterly different from encountering a squick. Look, dude, Omegaverse dynamics are a squick of mine. Stumbling over Omegaverse Turkfic will not force me to get my CBT and exposure practice going on. It will make me feel icky and I will stop reading and move on, grateful for all the kind souls who tag their Omegaverse fiction.

Now I live in this world where no one, apparently, should produce content that squicks anyone else, because squick=trigger, and triggering people is immoral. I can’t figure out how we landed here, as fans. 

An important distinction like the difference between “squick” and “trigger” should not disappear in the name of protecting people from culture. 

I must’ve have slipped under a rock, at some point, and not noticed…

When, how, and why, did “Squick” ever fall out of use?

Why are we now talking about it as if it were some kind of archaic term in fandom? How long have I been using it, and utterly confusing people?

I noticed squick falling out if common use around the LJ Strikethrough in 2007. I don’t know if the two are related, but it was about that same time that I noticed the decline. I thought little of it at the time, because language is ever changing. Like you, I kept using it and probably confusing newer fans (though it’s probably something you can figure out from context.)

But now? Man, I am all for bringing the word back into common use. Because the thing that squicks me out is certainly not the thing that triggers a panic attack because of something the abuser in my past did.

squick is such a useful word.

squick =/= trigger.

now, a thing can be both a squick and a trigger. for me, humiliation kink fic is both. it brings up bad memories and their associated autonomic functions, and also makes me do the eww shudder. but there are also things that are one and not the other.

for instance, in my case, false accusations are a trigger but not a squick. upsetting, but not yucky.

and pee/poop associated with sex is a squick but not a trigger. i find it extremely ishy, and do not want to read about it or see pictures having to do with it, they make me go urp. but it’s not emotionally distressing. it just grosses me out.

important: both squicks and triggers are orthogonal to morality. they’re not on the same axis.

there is nothing morally wrong with someone having a humiliation kink, even though it brings up childhood emotional abuse for me and gives me a terrible day. not everyone has that background, and some people who do find that kink cathartic rather than distressing. this is absolutely ok!

there is nothing morally wrong with someone having a bodily waste kink, even though it makes me queasy. it’s up to them what they want to do with their bodies, and nobody’s getting hurt. i don’t have to clean up after them, so it’s none of my dang business.

and this is hard mode for a lot of tumblr but – there is nothing morally wrong with people writing about morally wrong things happening to fictional characters, because it isn’t real and no actual people are getting hurt. if it squicks you or triggers you, avoid it. it’s ok to feel bad when you encounter it. it’s also ok to not feel bad when you encounter it. it’s ok to hit the back button in a hurry and go look for some fluff to cleanse your palate. it’s also ok to revel in the cathartic release of fictional suffering. it’s ok. you’re ok.

Bring back “darkfic” while we’re at it, so we can have a value-neutral term to describe fics that deal with violent/abusive/morally dubious/etc topics

zarabithia:

frostyemma:

jumpingjacktrash:

the-real-seebs:

jumpingjacktrash:

vastderp:

rshathul:

vethica:

who-gives-a-ship:

shobijinsandy:

Dear people who ship taboo relationships

Such as in///cest and ped///ophilia

Do NOT harm yourself. That doesn’t help, and asking you to do so doesn’t help.

Instead? Tell your parents. Tell your family, tell your friends, your teachers, your employers, EVERYONE you know and interact with, that you support and even romanticize abusive content. Tell them that you think it’s harmless.

Well?

We’re waiting.

I do tell a lot of people. My mom, for example. She’s a writer too and she knows that I enjoy writing dark stories. I said people were mad at me on the internet over a ship and she immediately guessed which (very problematic) ship it was and was shocked that people had told me to die over something so ridiculous. I recently told my therapist that I write and enjoy darkfic sometimes, specifically mentioning the sort of sexual content they involve. His first impulse was to worry that I might feel guilty about my harmless interest. I told my previous therapist that I get off to violent fictional media and she said it was fine because she knew I’d never hurt a fly in real life. I’ve told my coworkers about the sort of movies I like (horror) and they didn’t care at all. Turns out people who work at libraries know how fiction works. My childhood best friend has known I’m a sadist for as long as I can remember and it never seemed to bother her. I still have a reputation as a very polite and helpful person, and my friends feel comfortable telling me secrets and asking for advice.

You know what always shocks people? When I tell them about the hate I’ve recieved online for my ships. My mom regularly says she’s proud of me for standing up for myself and others online, and my therapist considers it a very positive act. I don’t tell EVERYONE I interact with about my problematic ships (hi I’d like a number 1 combo with cheese also I think Thor and Loki should kiss), but I don’t hide it at all. The worst I’ve ever gotten is people being mildly surprised that someone as silly and positive as me loves horror.

Tell your family, tell your friends, your teachers, your employers, EVERYONE you know and interact with

“and that’s all 300 pairs of fictional characters I want to kiss each other. any questions?”

“ma’am this is a wal-mart”

Told my mom I wanted to rip open kylo rens abdominal cavity and she just shrugged so op idk what you’re expecting to happen here

“Hey young people, i want you to initiate sexually explicit conversations with lots of grown ups you barely know”

NICE TRY JARED FROM SUBWAY

i’m just having a giggle because op put slashes in the naughty naughty words as if trying to keep them from showing up in searches… in a post supposedly aimed at the people they think do those searches. i’m imagining them giving stern and brave heroic speeches to the bathroom mirror, then going out and apologizing to furniture for bumping into it. it’s adorable.

it’s hilarious, because like, most of the people i know who are into shit like that in fiction do discuss it with their therapists, and in many cases, were specifically directed to it by their therapists. because it turns out that processing your experiences in fiction doesn’t harm you. talking to or listening to antis does, though, so i do encourage you to avoid them.

oh lord i just looked at their blog and apparently they think queer threesomes with disney animals are NOT taboo? and telling everyone they meet that they’re into that would go just swell? children are precious i can’t handle this

I mean, ship whatever the hell you want to ship? 

I genuinely do not give a fuck if Disney duck threesomes are your jam, but the sheer cognitive dissonance in lecturing people about their weird ships and kinks while drawing and fapping to your Three Caballeros fan art is just… honestly, it’s just so fucking weird.

Like go ahead, OP. Tell EVERYONE you know and interact with (because apparently in your world, everyone is supposed to go around disclosing their fandom kinks all the time? or something? I’m a bit unclear on that part). Tell LITERALLY EVERYONE YOU MEET that you enjoy fan art of three Disney ducks fucking each other and that you believe it’s morally superior to Thor and Loki fucking each other.

I think we’re all waiting for this one.

(Full disclosure: I actually think shipping Thor and Loki is really gross… and so I don’t seek it out, don’t read that kind of fic, and filter it out from my experience. You know, like a grown ass adult.)

Ship whatever you want, but like… elsewhere in the ducktales fandom, there are people whining about how any ships with the ducks are pedophilia. 

So???? Hypocripsy is not a great look. 

Dude, they’re literally reporting it for the tons of child porn written on site that they actively allow there.

trinket-the-bear:

thebibliosphere:

Allow me to start of by saying, I in no way support, anyone or anything that promotes or endorses that kind of content. It makes me physically ill even knowing it exists.

There are however entire screeds in the Ao3 terms and services talking about what is and is not allowed on Ao3, and child porn is pretty high up the list of what Ao3 does not deem as okay.

I don’t doubt that there have been genuine incidences of inappropriate content, because this is the Internet and people are awful sometimes, but I also know that Ao3 does deal with people when they breach their terms of services, and they are swift about it. What they do not do is throw the baby out with the bathwater which is what this is, and I’m extremely wary of anyone who is in favor of mass censorship like a lot of “antis” are clamoring for.

I was your age during the fandom purges that went on in LiveJournal and Fanficnet, and this exactly is how we lost our fandom spaces before. It’s how we lost thousands and thousands of stories and writers and safe spaces that were in no way promoting that kind of content, but a select few people decided we were writing about “immoral things”, and do you know what those “immoral things” were? Being gay. Being anything other than what they deemed “normal”. Anything at all to do with sex was also removed regardless of context, anything tagged as “rape” was removed too, including forums set up to support survivors of assault. We were deleted without discrimination, or without proof of the validity of their claims.

And they used the same argument that they’re using now. They called it child porn and demanded that sites cater to children, even if those sites were never intended for a child audience.

They forced any and all LGBT+ content regardless of actual explicit material, onto NSFW sites intended for adults and kink, because that’s all we were to them. They made it less safe to talk to people and to spread awareness about certain issues, and to group together with people like ourselves.

So you’ll have to pardon me for being tired that this kind of thing is happening again because by and large for the most part, this is a puritanical witch hunt spun to sound like moral concern when really it’s another attempt at censorship because people don’t like something so they do the easy thing and cry “pedophile!” because they know it’s a real easy way to discredit someone and ruin their life. They know it, and they do it anyway, regardless of the harm it causes, or how it invalidates those of us who are actual victims of predatory adults. And yes, I speak from personal experience. And no I’d rather not to have to talk about it in public again.

I’ve been a minor in fandom. I know not everyone is as careful as me
about tagging my work and making sure no one under the age of 18 can
accidentally stumble onto my adult works.

I also know not all adults are good adults and you deserve to be protected from them. But I also know people making false claims to the FBI is not going to end well. For anyone.

And if it turns out Ao3 is actually investigated and found to be harboring such content, you can tell me I was wrong and I’ll gladly watch it burn. But I’ve seen this shitshow before, I know the tactics used, and I know it just opens up a whole other can of problems that we’re already seeing the effects of online and off and they are not easy to fight.

If any of this makes you uncomfortable with following me, you don’t have to reply, you can just block me and leave, as you should any other adult who makes you feel uncomfortable. You are in charge of your own online safety, and curating what you see on your dash. Take care of yourself and stay safe.

Adding onto what Joy said, because I have a very bad feeling about what the original asker thinks “child porn” is, and as I know a good deal about this from research back during Strikethrough:

There’s a stark difference between “child porn” in the legal sense and “written stories about an underage character having sex and/or being a victim of sexual trauma”.

Legally, and also from the moral standpoint that the ask attempts to invoke, child porn is visual live pornography of actual minors, ie photographs or videos of actual human children in sexual positions, which by its nature requires at least one actual human child to have been put in a sexual position, and therefore traumatized. Which is why child porn is so horrifying- because a child was literally deeply harmed to produce it. Writing about minors in sexual situations does not require any actual living underage human being to do anything at all, let alone be forced into sexual situations they aren’t ready for.

AO3 DOES NOT allow child porn, and if you find any, you should report it for TOS violations. AO3 DOES allow fanworks featuring various underage situations, regardless of whether these situations would be morally okay in real life. Because writing is NOT REAL LIFE, and with appropriate warning labels, written stories don’t hurt anyone.

Do people 50+ still like reading/writing NSFW stuff? Do they still feel sexual attraction in real life?

silks-stuff:

sniperct:

lierdumoa:

spiderine:

tzikeh:

cricketcat9:

People over 50, demonstrating endless patience explaining things to young people who never ever in their entire life knew or spoke to these definitely non human aliens, people over 50. 

BTW, in a few weeks I’ll be 69. Is it the time yet to weave a cocoon, shrivel up and die? I decided not to, since there’s still much smut on AO3 to enjoy, and the YOI movie did not come out yet, and then there’s that, you know, other thing… that three letter word starting with s…  

I get that the asker may honestly have no idea about… let’s call it “middle-life sexuality.” I mean, the asker is statistically most likely to be an American teenager, and fuck knows (ha) that our country is TERRIBLE at sex education. So them not knowing anything about it doesn’t surprise me; they likely don’t even know much about how their own body works.

But this isn’t a question about people over 50 feeling sexual attraction or wanting to read/write porn; it’s a question about whether women are recognizably human once they’re no longer youthful. It’s misogyny right down to its core.

I don’t blame the asker. They’ve been soaking in it their whole life.

I wonder what they think they’ll do when they get older, regarding both sex and fandom. Like the people who say “you’re too old for fandom” – do they think they’ll ever be too old for fandom, or sex? Do they truly believe that at a certain age they themselves will flip a switch and never want sex again, never write fanfic, and only be interested in work and children and shit? Is it that they don’t think they’ll ever age, or are they simply afraid that this is what will happen to them?

Did people forget about all the STD outbreaks happening in Florida retirement communities?

telesilla:

No and no. The only feeling you have after you hit 50 is a deep feeling of utter contempt for the young.

Okay, maybe I should tone down the salt, because it’s just possible you don’t really know how ageist and rude this is.

First, I’m going to answer this like it wasn’t rude. People over 50 are…people. They fall on the same sexual spectrums (gender and orientation and all that good stuff) that people under 50 do. Obviously people change as they age—emotionally, mentally and physically,—but trust someone who’s been in fandom since 1995 and has been sexually active (in one way or another) since 1976, plenty of older people read and write porn, and plenty of them look at attractive people and think “yeah she could get it.” If that is, indeed, the correct phrase. Sure there are people over 50 who aren’t sexual, just like there are people under 50 who aren’t sexual, but plenty of us are still interested in reading, writing and doing the sex.

Now…I’m going to go a little deeper, because this is just a fucking weird question. It is all but impossible, if you engage with pop culture at all, to be unaware that men over 50 like to consume and create porn. Jesus fucking Christ, if you watch TV at all, you know men over 50 feel sexual attraction in real life. There’s a whole branch of pharmacology dedicated to making sure they can act in that attraction. On this very hellsite, I’ve seen a lot of posts complaining about the age of actors compared to the age of the actresses playing their love interests. I can’t check my newsfeed without seeing a woman who is literally in the news because a man over 50 had sex with her and then paid her to not tell anyone about it.

Harvey Weinstein is 66, for fuck’s sake.

So I suspect the “people” you’re asking about are women, specifically women in fandom. I don’t know if I’m being asked to furnish proof that women over 50 aren’t really active in fan fiction and therefore what we say about fandom can be disregarded or if I’m being asked to furnish proof that women over 50 in fandom are actively sexual and therefore can be thought of as predatory, but either way, this is weird.

I’ve said this before, I know that having old people around when you are a young person can be weird and annoying. We can come off as judgmental, condescending and dismissive. Our weary cynicism can really harsh the buzz of youthful enthusiasm and that’s a drag sometimes. We post selfies and we have saggy boobs and grooves around our mouths and young women don’t always like seeing the future like that, especially when we also bitch about our health or our kids or jobs or the dreams we had to leave behind. Politically, especially if we’re white, we make you wonder who we voted for and if we really have your backs when it comes to social justice issues.

I get all that. And I could go on a rant about how important older women have been to fandom and how you literally would not have it if not for women who were in their fifties in 1975, but those rants are a dime a dozen on tumblr and while I do understand being uncomfortable around older women, I refuse to apologize for my presence in a space I have helped create over the years. I refuse to justify myself when I shouldn’t have to.

If this is a genuine question and you’re upset by my ranting, I do apologize. However, while it isn’t talked about much in Tumblr SJW circles, ageism is real and I see it all the time on this site. Think about all the misconceptions about your own generation and how annoying it is when some stupid article acts like you’re part of an Other monolith.

tl;dr: Many people over 50 enjoy reading and writing smut and many of them still feel sexual attraction. Thank you for asking this question, although since I a) list my age as 55 on my bio, b) link to my almost 3 millions words of smut on AO3, you had the answer to the first part, like, literally in front of you.

Though The Villages – which spans three counties with 40,000 homes and more than 70,000 residents – boasts 34 golf courses, nine country clubs, two downtown squares and a slew of restaurants and bars, getting lucky is one of the residents’ primary pastimes.

The huge complex began growing rapidly in the mid-1990s, and reported cases of gonorrhea rocketed from 152 to 245, of syphilis rose from 17 to 33, and of chlamydia from 52 to 115 among those 55 and older in Florida from 1995 to 2005.

We had an entire show in the 80s about this.

Tumblr is atrociously agesist and it’s the one phobia that’s never called out or rallied against. Instead it’s the opposite; 20-somethings try to make older people feel uncomfortable for living in a space they literally created. They accuse us of being predatory, or gross, for enjoying LGBT content as much as anyone else, because that LGBT content usually stars 20-somethings. Yet they refuse to acknowledge that older LGBT people are never portrayed in media and never represented – once again due to ageism, especially in women. So basically the voice of 20-somethings on tumblr says : “this stuff is too young for you old gross people, we don’t care that you made this space safe enough for this content to exist, we don’t care that you have no alternatives in your own age bracket – please just die”