fmarpgaugreedling:

Hughes, the DM: You’ve made it to Truth. It looks at you, smiling, and says, ‘If you want Al’s body back, you have to give something up.’

Ed, a gnomish wizard: I. I offer… I offer my magic.

Hughes: Truth nods. Your sacrifice is accepted. You wake up in the real world again, now powerless, but your brother has his body back.

Al, also a gnomish wizard: Aw bro that’s so sweet of you omg

Roy, a human sorceror: lol but now you’re useless

Ed: Fuck. How do I do magic now?

Hughes: well, you can’t be a wizard anymore. But you could always be a cleric and dedicate yourself to a god – if you follow their precepts, they’ll grant you powers.

Ed: Huh. And what gods are there?

Hughes: Well… There’s Truth…

Ed: *incoherent screaming*

butchsunshine:

ladychaosstudios:

butchsunshine:

sapphlcsupport:

butchsunshine:

my gf calls me a jock because i play dungeons and dragons. she thinks that makes me a jock. i don’t understand her but i love her

takes lots of butch charisma and strength to beat those cool enemies and puzzles

kdjgskdjgh incredibly flattering that you think my party actually beats our dm’s puzzles

Breaking puzzles is technically beating them.

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

More legal shenanigans for your D&D setting:

  • The Kingdom of Zor has historically been marked by a particularly virulent strain of human supremacism. Though that era has largely passed, its legacy has proven to be so deeply entrenched in the realm’s codes of law that later reformers found it expedient simply to expand the legal definition of “human”. So it is that in the land of Zor, an elf, an animated skeleton, and a sapient protoplasmic ooze are all Human in the eyes of the law – though strangely, the legal compass of humanity continues to this day to exclude bards.
  • The Norgian Confederacy is infamous for its curiously inverted sumptuary laws. Being theoretically egalitarian, and priding themselves on principles of absolute social mobility, a Norgian’s manner of dress is in no wise restricted by their social station; rather, by dressing in the legally recognised manner of a particular station, they declare their membership in it. Strictly speaking these rules apply only to citizens; all the same, visitors whose outfits fail to match their preferred level of social obligation are advised to clearly advertise their foreign status, lest one be accused of dereliction of duty!
  • Compounded by centuries of case law and precedent, the laws of the dwarven realm of Underhome have become a muddled mess with respect to the property rights of the dead. Some rights – particularly the ownership of one’s own remains – persist after death, while others transfer to designated heirs, and still others are held in trust should the deceased later join the ranks of the undead. In the halls of royalty, the ghosts of ancient kings and queens litigate endlessly with their living descendants for dominion over the earth’s riches; these revenant monarchs – or “mineral wights”, as they’re sometimes known – stand as the greatest obstacle to Underhome’s continued prosperity.
  • The elvish principality of Greenwood keeps no prisoners, instead favouring a robust program of community service for the correction and rehabilitation of criminals. Their court system does not discriminate by species: animals as well as elves are often seen serving sentences for the bewildering variety of petty misdemeanours that characterise elvish legal codes. If necessary, the courts will grant a convicted animal the intelligence to understand and carry out its service; not all choose to go back to being ordinary beasts when the task is done (though many do), and so the Greenwood is home to a growing population of sapient animals with criminal records.

things to do while you wait for your dnd groups to meet again:

critical-failqueer:

  • create a family tree for a character you’ll never get the chance to play
  • make yet another tiefling
  • find race and class combos you haven’t had the chance to play yet
  • dig up an old character and revamp them
  • make playlists for your characters. get emotional when you listen to them
  • start writing backstory for your backup character
  • come up with elf names by mispronouncing common words
  • check your groupchat for updates you know won’t be there
  • speculate on how you’re all going to die next session
  • listen to dnd podcasts to both ease and worsen the void in your soul
  • buy another dice set