Do you know what I find interesting about asexual vs pansexual as identities? A lot of people who identify as either at one point thought they were the other.
So how could a pansexual possibly mistake themselves for an asexual, or vice versa? Well, I’ll use my own experiences regarding questioning as an example, because I was one of these people. At one point I thought I was ace, but I’m actually pan.
I guess I should start with why I define myself as pan instead of bi. The most commonly accepted definition of pansexuality is “attraction regardless of gender.” For me personally, gender isn’t really a factor in whether or not I find someone attractive.
So here’s where the confusion comes in: you don’t feel any sort of special way for one gender over another. Maybe you even feel sort of indifferent to gender. Does this mean I’m asexual or pansexual? The key is how you experience attraction to other people, if you feel any at all. The trick is figuring out what it means and how it feels to be “attracted” to someone, which is a very personal thing for everyone.
Keep in mind that these were my personal experiences. They’re different for everyone, but they can sometimes share a common pattern. There’s nothing wrong with exploring your identity and changing your labels as you make discoveries. This is one of the biggest reasons why a-spec solidarity is so important to me as a pansexual. I know where they’re coming from.
This is why bi/pan/ace solidarity exists!!! This is why we’re the triforce sexualities!! A lot of ace people thought they were bi before there was language to identify otherwise. A lot of ace people think they’re pan before they realize they’re not AND VICE VERSA!!!
Discourse fucking murdered bi/pan/ace solidarity because of their hatred of aces and they can fucking kiss my ass if they don’t think destroying that solid bond between us didn’t leave some gnarly scars.
It’s one of the biggest reasons I started getting involved with ace discourse, because I saw the attempt being made to sever our solidarity. I was so incredibly lucky to have gone through my questioning phase back when Tumblr was more-or-less ace-friendly, because going through it in, say, 2016 during the height of some of the most toxic anti-ace discourse would have messed me up hard. All of it is very anti-questioning and I have a huge problem with that, as anyone should.
It’s a real head trip when you realize you’re BOTH too.
oh gosh, it’s nice to see this put into words, because I always feel sort of possessive of both communities
seriously though bisexuality being defined as attraction to men and women is a heterosexual’s definition of bisexuality actual bisexual groups and organizations have been defining it as attraction to two or more genders or same and other genders since the nineties and plenty of nb people actually id as bi and refusing to accept how we define ourselves is so absurdly biphobic and heterosexist and jfc it’s 2014 can other queer people fucking realize and acknowledge this
The purple stripe on the bi flag is meant to represent attraction to nb genders and the bisexual manifesto published in Anything That Moves includes the lines “Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature … In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.” That was published in 1990. It’s older than a lot of people here, including me, and older than terms like “pansexual” and “polysexual” by at least a decade. Bi history is important.
the most important thing to me ever is bi kids knowing that it’s ok to be 10% attracted to women and 90% attracted to men or 10% attracted to men and 90% attracted to women and still feeling ok to identify as bi, and still feeling like their identity is valid, and still feeling like they can lead fulfilling lives with both (or other) genders. like that’s just so fricking important.
I’m a bi adult and you know what? I needed this. Thank you.
it’s also important to remember that it can be a fluid % like sometimes it’ll be 50/50 some times 10/90 and then drift into a 45/65 or even 2/98 and it’s still okay. It’s just where you are at that time in your life.
In honor of Janelle Monáe coming out I put together a lil graphic about bi & pan identities! This is based on my own experiences within the community as someone who uses both terms. It of course does not cover everything! Image description under the cut.
i'll apple your turnover 