thank you! it’s an appropriate question 🙂
you’re absolutely right- I am extremely self-aware. Maybe I was always that way to some extent, but I’ve become more and more that way over time through intentional practice. Self-monitoring is such a key part of coping and mental health. There are a couple of specific things I like to do when self-monitoring negative mood:
1. I play the “is this a BIG deal?” game. The game is pretty obvious: I decide whether whatever’s going on is a big deal, a medium deal, or a small deal. If it’s a small deal, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter or I can’t be upset. It’s a great way to validate: “yes, it’s a small deal, but it’s still a deal.” and then refocus my thoughts elsewhere. If it’s a medium deal or a big deal, then I can still validate and ask myself if there’s anything I can do about it right now. If yes, then I try to do it. If no, then I decide whether I should try to refocus or whether I need some time to decompress. So many things are a small deal, and keeping that in mind helps me not let those things overwhelm me.
2. I ask myself “what would I do if I was in a good mood?” Like many people, my instinct during a bad mood is to cater to that mood. The problem is that it can become a self-fulfilling cycle: the things I want to do during a bad mood often just perpetuate the bad mood, while the things I want to do during a good mood can perpetuate the good mood. So by checking to see what I would do if everything was the same, except that I was in a good mood, I can make sure I’m making the best choice for myself in that situation.
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Tag: adulting
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Lindsay C. Gibson
Adulting Posts
Adulting 101: The post that started it all! Discount cards, xmas lights, and general food advice.
Adulting 102: Cacti, electric bills, and some inexpensive cleaning advice.
Adulting 103: Peeing after sex, chalkboard paint, and why you need scented trash bags in your life.
Adulting 104: Electric bill budgets, lint drawers, and why mixed greens are more trouble than they’re worth.
Adulting 105: Paper bills, Yankee Candles, and where to purchase postage stamps.
Adulting 106: Scented tampons, dishwasher pods, and why you should live next to a fire department.
Adulting 107: Command hooks, inexpensive bathroom decor, and why organic cucumbers are overrated.
Adulting 108: An Adulting post dedicated entirely to apartment hunting!
Adulting 109: Cleaning your shower head, condiments, and why you should never buy Dollar Store paper towels.
Adulting 110: Food hygiene, Airborne, and automatic payment advice.
07/28/17
JESSICA CHOU Has A YouTube Channel Teaching Women About Basic Vehicle Maintenance
This is quite an interesting YouTube channel concept, and it shows that … Asian chicks kick ass! JESSICA CHOU is a young Asian American woman who has a YouTube channel which basically teaches other girls and women about how to fix their car.
“I think we don’t see as many female mechanics because the industry is still so heavily dominated by men. When we think of a mechanic, we think of men. When we see ads or posters of mechanics, we see men. When we see shows about cars, we see men. It will take a long time to change all of this, but in the 10 short months that I’ve been on this journey, I’ve met so many incredible people who are out to change the game.”
male mechanics are known to overprice and add on unnecessary services to female patrons because they assume they dont know shit about cars. go jessica!!!
As a female mechanic, this makes me so happy! I was the only female in my entire shop, so please more ladies get into mechanics. Yay Jessica!! 😀
Recognizing emotionally mature people
Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.
They’re realistic and reliable
They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.
They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.
Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.
They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.
They’re respectful and reciprocal
They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.
They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.
They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.
They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells.
When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.
They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.
They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.
They’re responsive
Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.
They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.
They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.
They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.
They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.
They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.
– ©
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.
adulthood is really just being responsible for a ton of pieces of paper that you don’t need that often but when you do need them you REALLY need them
Summer’s coming, and with it, sweat.
Sweat is the worst. There’s things out there to make sweat season better, though. Without further ado, my “sweat sucks” checklist, in no particular order! All product names are links- mostly Amazon- but you can get many of these items in a lot of places.
0, the ur-anti-sweat task force item. A good anti-perspirant of your choice. If you’re sweaty and you hate it, you probably already know which one you like best.
1. Gold Bond powder spray. The powder itself is ok, but the spray is where it’s at. If you hate underboob sweat, this is the way to go. Start dry- don’t do this right after a shower, and towel off if you’ve already been sweating. Before putting on a bra or binding, lift one boob, spray underneath, and hold that boob up for a bit to let the spray dry. There’s other things that work for this, too- Fresh Balls, Monkey Butt, etc.- and I have tried all of them and this is the one I keep reaching for. Also, Fresh Balls and Monkey Butt are terrible names.
Just don’t use it on any mucus membranes. If you’ve got a sweaty groin area, be careful with it.
2. Slipshorts. Recently I stopped hating myself and wearing pants in the summer. It’s just too humid out. But a combo of chub rub and sweat means that I feel super uncomfortable if I’m not wearing something– which is where a nice pair of undershorts/bike shorts come in handy. Get cotton ones or wicking ones, and they help combat the sweat and the chafing. Jockey’s Skimmies are really good for this- the ones that wick away moisture. This is not shapewear, mind you- that would only make the sweat problem worse!
3. A fan. I’ve got a really goofy electric one that mists me with water, but it looks really, really goofy. It might look silly, but it let me survive my family’s ill-planned hike up Diamond Head in the middle of the day. That was worth looking silly. When I’m super hot and gross, I don’t care- but it’s not convenient everywhere, or you might have more dignity than me. (Most people probably do, really.) In that case, a folding fan is extremely useful. Pick one that you like- if you carry purses, maybe even get a few cheap ones and toss one in each purse.
4. Another kind of goofy thing that really does work is the Cooldanna, which is a bandanna that’s been sewn into a head band and stuffed with water crystals. You soak it in water, tie it around your head, and it keeps you cool for a very long time. If you were clever, you could make your own with some water polymer crystals and whatever fabric you liked- and this way you’d have more control over design and size and everything. You could even get creative about shape and placement!
5. Around April, I stop wearing closed shoes unless I absolutely have to- sandals all the way for me. I’m a Birkenstocks person, but honestly, any supportive sandal’s good. I’ve had the same pair of Milanos for well over a decade now, and they don’t stink and my feet feel pretty damn good in them.
6. A Ta-Ta Towel. It’s not fun to wear a bra all the time, but it’s equally unfun to be sitting at home and dealing with underboob sweat. You can get these other places, or make your own even, or if your boobs are shaped right, just stick a washcloth beneath them and call it a day- but nothing dries quite like a towel.
7. Bun formers. Getting the hair off the back of the neck is vital, and a bun works pretty much anywhere.
8. Cucumber wipes and a towel. Sometimes if I have to walk or take the bus somewhere in the summer, I’ll actually take face-washing stuff with me in my bag so that I can de-sweat when I get there. If not, cucumber wipes and a small towel work fine.
Sweaty friends: save a life. If you’ve got more things you like to use, please add to the list.
the greatest skill a woman can learn for herself is self reliance
to clarify … so many strong women in my life rely on men. that dependence is dangerous. ladies here are some good ref resources I’ve found helpful on my journey towards self reliance
automobile
plumbing
electrical
home
this list is in no way comprehensive feel free to add on
How to change your mood while honoring your feelings
So this is a pretty complicated subject, but here are the basics
- Don’t judge yourself for having emotions. Remind yourself it’s ok to feel whatever you are feeling. It doesn’t make you broken or a bad person, and there is nothing to be guilty or ashamed of. Try to just accept the emotion without being sad or angry that you are experiencing it
- Assess the situation. The first step is to identify what emotions you are feeling. (This may be help if you are stuck). The second is to figure out what thoughts or events (if any) triggered it. For example you might feel angry because you were treated poorly, or sad because you were thinking about all the ways you believe you have failed. Worksheets such as this one may help you with this and the following steps
- Make a plan to address any issues now, or if the emotions are too intense, make a point to come back to this later. For example, if you are stressed about the amount of work you have due, your action could be to make a plan for what work to do each day, email your professor about an extension, and to identify and challenge the assumption that turning in a project late makes you a failure. DBT & CBT tools can help you identify and work through the process of doing this
- Do something sensory. Focusing on your senses can be a very effective way to get out of your head, and allow your emotions to fade naturally. You could simply observe what’s around you (such as listing things you can see or hear), or you could create a pleasant experience by putting on a favorite song, using scents you enjoy, doing something with your hands, or some combination of these things.
- Remind yourself of things you have a positive association with You could remind yourself of a favorite memory, think of something you are grateful for today, read a message from a loved one, look at a photograph that you like, or imagine you are in your favorite place. Make sure you aren’t doing this to force yourself not the feel the emotion, but rather focusing your attention on something pleasant and being open to however your emotions change. It is important you follow steps 2 & 3 if you choose to go this route. However, if you are facing a thought you have all the time and you have already worked through those steps in a similar situation you may be able to go straight here.
This is so helpful.
me: I feel such…crankiness inside…the desire to whine is…unstoppable… I feel myself growing…spiteful and sarcastic … what is this disease? This disord—
brain: you’re hungry you simple bitch
i'll apple your turnover 