If the door’s locked, try the wall

mstgkitten:

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lonelynotlonely:

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[by
Geoff Manaugh]

a drywall knife

In one of the most interesting moments in his memoir, [jewelry thief Bill Mason] sees that architecture can be made to do what he wants it to do; it’s like watching a character in Star Wars learn to use the Force.

In a lengthy scene at a hotel in Cleveland that Mason would ultimately hit more than once in his career, he explains that his intended prize was locked inside a room whose door was too closely guarded for him to slip through. Then he realizes the obvious: he has been thinking the way the hotel wanted him to think—the way the architects had hoped he would behave—looking for doors and hallways when he could  simply carve a new route where he wanted it. The ensuing realization delights him. “Elated at the idea that I could cut my own door right where I needed one,” he writes, Mason simply breaks into the hotel suite adjacent to the main office. There, he flings open the closet, pushes aside the hangers, and cuts his way from one room into the other using a drywall knife. In no time at all, he has cut his “own door” through to the manager’s office, where he takes whatever he wants—departing right back through the very “door” he himself made. It is architectural surgery, pure and simple.

Later, Mason actually mocks the idea that a person would remain reliant on doors, making fun of anyone who thinks burglars, in particular, would respect the limitations of architecture. “Surely if someone were to rob the place,” he writes in all italics, barbed with sarcasm, “they’d come in as respectable people would, through the door provided for the purpose. Maybe that explains why people will have four heavy-duty locks on a solid oak door that’s right next to a glass window.” People seem to think they should lock-pick or kick their way through solid doors rather than just take a ten-dollar drywall knife and carve whole new hallways into the world. Those people are mere slaves to  architecture, spatial captives in a world someone else has designed for them.

Something about this is almost unsettlingly brilliant, as if it is nonburglars who have been misusing the built environment this whole time; as if it is nonburglars who have been unwilling to question the world’s most basic spatial assumptions, too scared to think past the tyranny of architecture’s long-held behavioral expectations.

To use architect Rem Koolhaas’s phrase, we have been voluntary prisoners of architecture all along, willingly coerced and browbeaten by its code of spatial conduct, accepting walls as walls and going only where the corridors lead us. Because doors are often the sturdiest and most fortified parts of the wall in front of you, they are a distraction and a trap. By comparison, the wall itself is often more like tissue paper, just drywall and some two-by-fours, without a lock or a chain in sight. Like clouds, apartment walls are mostly air; seen through a burglar’s eyes, they aren’t even there. Cut a hole through one and you’re in the next room in seconds.

~ Geoff Manaugh, A Burglar’s Guide to the City

@we-are-rogue

The futility of tagging the person you reblogged something from, into your reblog, because you think they’ll like it…

On the plus side, I do like it. 😀 😀 😀

Seriously, limiting yourself to the architecture at hand is only if you’re trying to have things go unnoticed for as long as possible.

Otherwise, speaking from a more nefarious moment in my life, locks are only there to deter opportunists, and real thieves will let themselves in however they want.

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These are all within a minute of each other

this chick talks like she’s high off her elf ears and thinks she’s talking ten times faster than she is

a lament to Gandalf

bet they don’t mention his fireworks. There should be a verse about them

AW. AW. CUZ LIKE. I GUESS GANDALF WAS THIS BIG FAMOUS WIZARD OR WHATEVER BUT THE HOBBITS ARE THE ONES WHO KNEW HIM. THEY WERE HIS FAM. HE WAS THEIRS. AW. STOP THIS.

AW HE’S DOING HIS OWN STOP

I would see the glory of Gondor restored

I believe in you my jock son

this is where he sticks his face through the water and finds out Barty Crouch Jr is a Death Eater

honestly she is giving off the creepiest damn vibes and I don’t trust her

They’re standing alone in the middle of the night and she switches to her freaky mindspeak anyway like who’s gonna overhear you??

OH OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

I passed the test

HEY THAT’S COOL CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU TURNED INTO A FLOATING COLOUR PALETTE

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EUGH you’re still alive

perfected, he calls the orcs, like the dude’s not literally drooling blood

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his war paint or whatever is literally someone smacking his face upside down

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weird elf word bread

one small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man

how many did you eat?

four

THE HOBBITS ARE MY PEOPLE

a) awww

b) has he always had that much fuckin hair

maybe he’s born with it

maybe it’s maybeline

he’s being so bashful and cute I am literally in love

I’m suddenly finding myself wondering whether it’ll be Frodo or Aragorn who chucks the ring into the lava pit because it’s all like Frodo’s destiny or whatever but surely at some point there’s gonna be some symbolic scene where Aragorn is faced with the challenge of the ring and proves he’s stronger than his father or grandfather or whatever

the fuck how many names does this guy have

let Frodo sleep 2k18

you know in a modern AU these two would be the reluctant roommates who actually get along really well and always share the couch and use the shared space to kick each other when they talk about awkward things they pretend they don’t wanna talk about and whenever they go out Boromir ‘wingmans’ Aragorn even though Aragorn insists, every time, that he really doesn’t wanna be wingmanned, he’s quite happy single thank you, no Boromir stop, no, no I don’t wanna play have you met Arag- hi Tracy so nice to meet you

anyways getting back on track Sam is so concerned for Frodo and it’s so sweet

so Frodo is definitely gonna go the stupid protagonist route and sneak off to finish this quest on his own to protect everyone else isn’t he

I literally just decided you two would be best friends you are not allowed to fight now

where’s Frodo?

godDAMNIT Frodo I didn’t want to be right

thank fuck

BOROMIR NO YOU LOVE THE HOBBITS YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON RESIST THE ASSHOLE RING

Frodo?

Frodo?

His voice is so scared and uncertain and sorry and anyways I wanna die

I would have gone with you into the end. Into the very fires of Mordor.

man remember when I didn’t give a fuck about this movie

look after the others – especially Sam

a) I fucking KNEW IT he’s going the dumb self-sacrificing route and Aragorn is fucking letting him????

b) SAM LOVES YOU YOU MORON TALK TO HIM

c) you’ve spent how much time going out of your way to protect your favourite hobbit and you’re just gonna let him run the rest of the way on his own?? have you forgot about the giant murdery fiery eye??? LOOK AFTER YOUR HOBBIT ARAGORN

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ARAGORN YOU CANNOT FIGHT A LITERAL ARMY OF ORCS ON YOUR OWN PLEASE GET OUT OF THERE

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