ignore this question if it’s too personal but i was wondering… how do you deal with aging, growing old and still being part of fandoms? Im growing older and i feel like every year i have a less and less like… ’right’ to be in fandoms. That i’m to old compared to others etc this scares me shitless tbh

pearwaldorf:

thievinghippo:

(First, I’m sorry this took so long to answer, anon! Life has been a bit overwhelming the last couple of months.)

I’m happy to delve into this a bit. Aging and such is something I think people need to talk about. Otherwise it can be scary sometimes. So for anyone curious, I will be turning 40 on my next birthday. 

A little background. I’ve been part of fandom since I was 24 years old. Back then, fandom was a little different and instead of tolerating older fans, we embraced them. I remember going to a Harry Potter conference in 2007. I went to a fanfiction panel that had five women on it, all in their 40s and 50s. They were so happy and confident in their place in fandom and their friendships. It was absolutely beautiful to see.

I remember thinking I hope that’s me some day. Now, of course, things are different. I regularly see posts making fun of people over a certain age for still being in fandom. 

We’re all going to get old some day. There’s no stopping that. But getting older doesn’t mean you suddenly lose interest in the things you love. You might have less time to geek out about them, but you’re not gonna lose interest. 

I think the key is finding yourself little corner of fandom. Find some people around the same age as you. (For me, I consider ‘same age’ anyone over thirty. There is no upper limit.)

Then basically, once you have this corner, it’s time to say ‘fuck it.’ That might sound harsh, but I refuse to let anyone take away something that makes me happy. Gaming and reading and writing fanfic brings me a ridiculous amount of joy. It’s helped me make friends from all over the world. 

Do not let anyone take away your joy. You have just as much of a right to be in fandom as anyone else. And anon, you’re always welcome in my little corner of fandom!

Listen, nonnie. I have been in fandom since I was 14? 15? and I turn 36 tomorrow. This is a thing that has been part of me for more than half my life. 

I don’t know how old you are, but when I was first starting out in fandom, it was considered a grown-up pursuit. Sure there were places for under 18s, but the people who ran the mailing lists, wrote the newsgroup FAQs, and paid for archive hosting fees? All adults. It was… I don’t want to say unusual for younger people to be in fandom, but it was made clear that you behaved respectfully in community/adult spaces. Or you pretended (very badly) to be an adult and the actual adults overlooked it.

It was super helpful to me as a young-un to have older female fans to look up to, and know that I could be an adult (whatever the fuck that means) and still have room for hobbies and interests I loved. It was also helpful, just as a person, to have a network of older women who were invested in my well-being but not necessarily involved in my day to day life to turn to. I am grateful for my fandom aunties, and I hope I can be there for younger fans the same way.

I feel like a lot of the “Ew adults in fandom” bullshit comes from younger fans who can barely conceive of reaching 30 as a non-abstract thing, and suffer from deep misapprehensions of what adult life is like. Yes you have to deal with stupid things like insurance and taxes, but you also have so much more freedom to enjoy the things you love. I am also irritated by so many heteronormative presumptions these people seem to have: you get married, have kids, and become so incredibly boring nobody wants you in fandom anyways. Not everybody gets married or has kids, and neither of those things makes you boring, you make yourself boring. 

So find yourself some friends to grow old with, and stick to them like limpets. If you can’t, find new friends. I have found that in new fandoms, I tend to gravitate towards people my age and older, even if I don’t know it at the time. If you’re enthusiastic and kind, that’s honestly all most people require to start talking. There is room for you in fandom always, no matter what age you are.