saying sorry when you have nothing to be sorry for really is disempowering. i learned that reflex as an adult man, because i was intimidating and didn’t want to be. the more i did it, the worse i felt. it didn’t stop me being intimidating, either, it just made me intimidating and sorry. trying to make yourself smaller by apologizing all the time is really hard on you and you gotta unlearn it.
this video’s advice is so good. say thank you instead. turn it outward. instead of effacing yourself, raise up others.
also the animation is really good and natural, and i want to know who did it.
i’ve thought about this a lot before and realized that i have cultural training that makes me default to deference and apology (i’ve actually apologized to a telephone pole for walking into it) especially with strangers and older people, but i’ve made one change. so i’m in target and need to know where the mouthwash or something is, or i’m on the phone with the foodstamp people; instead of saying “i’m sorry, could you tell me” (which suggests that you are bothering them when you are only asking them to do their job with regard to you) I say “hi, i wonder if you can help me?” which sounds dumb but actually suggests an appeal to their expertise that you are entitled to make, rather than automatically putting yourself in the wrong. subtle, maybe, but it makes me feel better and harms no one *laughing*
i still feel bad for interrupting someone folding clothes or stocking soap or whatever, but i realized saying ‘sorry’ doesn’t change anything for anyone, except for making me feel smaller. so i started saying, “hey, got a minute?” and letting them answer before making my request. of course, almost always they say yes, because helping me is their job too. but every once in a while someone will be like “i’m neck deep in this, bro, lemme get someone else for you,” which is confirmation enough for me that i’m on the right track.
i'll apple your turnover 